


Avoiding the Cracks

by Zeyda



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Everything eventually goes to hell, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I guess you could call this a slow burn..., I hope you enjoy my sins, M/M, Post-Pacifist Route, Reader is a college student, School Psychologists, Skeletons, monster racism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeyda/pseuds/Zeyda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been less than a year since the barrier was broken and monsters came to the surface. Reader is a college student, living at ground zero - The city right outside Mt. Ebott. She is working under a school psychologist at Ebott Elementary - The only school in the world that teaches mostly monster children. She makes a lot of new friends, including a punny little skeleton that she falls hopelessly in love with, changing her life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is my first fanfiction in a loooong time. Things might get pretty dark later on. I'll adjust the tags, warnings, and ratings as needed. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but we'll see. I am planning for this to eventually be an Explicit fic, so the smut is coming!! Just very slowly. No pun intended. Heh. Also, everyone's favorite skeleton won't be showing up for a few chapters, so I apologize for that. I'm posting three chapters all at once tonight, I'll hopefully post another tomorrow!  
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this. Thanks for reading!

“So, Brianna… Why did you bite Alexis at lunch?”

The little monster girl’s eyes were glued to the floor as she squirmed in her chair, clearly uncomfortable.

“Brianna, I’m not here to get you in any trouble. I just want to talk about what happened.”

She huffs, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

You can see that Dr. Kaeden is getting frustrated. You find this unusual. Normally, Dr. Kaeden is as patient as they come. You wonder if maybe something is bothering him.

“Brianna… Please. I’m only here to help you.” 

The girl relaxes a little and lets out a soft sigh. She looks up at the doctor to answer with literal puppy-dog eyes.

“Alexis is always picking on me… so I guess I just finally snapped today.”

Dr. Kaeden looks down at her gently. He really was very good with children. Somehow he could just naturally melt away their defensiveness. Perhaps it was his soft, soothing voice or the gentle wrinkles that encircled his calm green eyes. There was something incredibly disarming about his appearance. You had a great deal of respect for the doctor. You had hoped that by interning with him, you could pick up on his techniques. It had only been two months and you’ve already learned so much from him. 

“How does she pick on you?”

The girl looks down at the floor once again. 

“She… She’s always telling me that I have no right to play with Justin, since he’s a human. He’s my best friend though! I go over to his house almost every day after school. We watch movies and play in his yard. His dogs love me.” She beams up at the doctor before frowning again. “Alexis is always harassing us. She never leaves us alone! Today, she came over to us during lunch and knocked over Justin’s soup. It splashed all over his clothes and the floor...I-I lost control of myself and bit her arm…” 

The doctor now has a more concerned look on his face. 

“Brianna, if you’re being bullied, you need to let a teacher know. We’re all here to help you and racism like that will not be tolerated at this school. This is supposed to be a safe place for monsters… However, you biting Alexis was wrong, too. You hurt her pretty badly. She was bleeding and had to go see the nurse. She’s there now. I’d like you to go and apologize. We can go with you, if you like.”

Brianna looks dejected. You see her eyes growing wet

“I- I’m so sorry… I was just so angry. She- She hurt my friend!”

“I know, sweetie…” Dr. Kaeden gets up to rub the girls back comfortingly. “Now come on, let’s go to the nurse’s office. 

The walk to the nurse’s office is a pretty brief one. Ebott Elementary had once been a tiny school. However, when the barrier broke and monsters started coming to the surface, they needed a place for their children to go to school. Morrison was the closest town to Mt. Ebott and most monsters ended up settling in your hometown. The town tripled in size, becoming a fully functioning city – the world’s first monster city. Ebott Elementary, being the local elementary school, had to adjust to Morrison’s rapidly changing demographics. The school was expanded to more than double its former size. Entire new wings were added to the building. New positions were opening up almost weekly. This, of course, excited you. You had always wanted to be a school psychologist. Maybe the school would eventually need to hire a second psychologist. You were filled with hope. 

Morrison was the only city in the world where monsters made up the majority of the population. A lot of the human residents stayed, of course, including yourself. However, the majority of Morrison’s residents quickly moved away in disgust. Most people didn’t like the monsters, they simply tolerated their presence. It was mostly younger people who were open-minded enough to coexist with and even befriend the monsters. Luckily, Morrison’s mayor was extremely liberal and went out of her way to accommodate the monsters. She even encouraged the city government to hire monsters to fill local government positions. Walking into the nurse's office, you are greeted by one of the recent hirees.

A smiling goat woman wearing a nurse’s uniform smiles and motions for Brianna to come over to her.

“Hello, my child. I understand that you are here to see your friend, Alexis.”

“I- uh…” Brianna stutters for a moment before being interrupted by a voice coming from the back of the room.

“That flea-infested ball of rabies is NOT my friend.”

Brianna starts to cry again, choking soft sobs. You can’t help but feel terrible for the girl.

“That is not a very nice thing to say, Alexis.” interjects Dr. Kaeden

“She is LITERALLY an animal. I can’t believe the she bit me! I hope that she’s had her shots… I called my daddy and he’s furious. He says that he’s going have me switch schools to get me away from those things.” She shoots a cold glare at Brianna. “He’s coming to get me, right now, and I’m not coming back unless these filthy animals go away.”

“That is probably for the best.” Dr. Kaeden says calmly. “Thank you for patching her up, Toriel. Brianna, why don’t you come with me back to my office? ____, you can go home for the week if you like.” You shrug at him and turn to leave. At least it’s Friday. 

You come home to an empty house. It’s always a strange feeling, having such a large house all to yourself. Unfortunately, this has become a pretty common occurrence. Your dad seems to be around less and less these days. Last week he disappeared for 3 days, without warning, and offered you no explanation for his behavior. Honestly, you didn’t really care 

You’re half asleep on the couch, tucked under your favorite blanket, when you hear your phone buzzing in the kitchen. You grumble and kick the fluffy blanket off of you, while you force yourself to your feet. You swiftly head towards the kitchen and find your phone vibrating against the granite countertop. 

“Auggie <3” is calling. 

You smile a little and swipe right to answer.

“Hey!” you answer.

“Oh hey, ____. You busy tonight?”

“Nah, you want to do something?” This was pretty common for August to do. He was terrible at making plans in advance. He would always call you right before he was heading out somewhere, asking if you would join him. Luckily, it didn’t bother you. You kind of enjoyed the spontaneity that he added to your life. 

“Yah, if you don’t mind. I wanted you to meet someone…”

“Oh? And who would that be?” 

“Do you remember me telling you about that date I had a few weeks ago?” You faintly recall August telling you about some girl that he met at school. They were doing a project together or something and he told you that he had asked her on a date.

“Yah! Did it go well for you?”

“Yah. She seems pretty great. She’s studying biochemistry. She’s soooo smart. Like even smarter than me! And she has a great sense of humor – she actually thinks I’m funny. Amazing, right?! I’ve seen her 4 times over the past two weeks. I told her all about you and she’s been wanting to meet you. She said that she’d bring one of her friends as well, so you wouldn’t feel like a third wheel. ”

“Well I suppose I could tag along so I can see if she is acceptable for my Auggie….” You tease him. You know he absolutely hates being called that. 

“Damnit, ____. I swear to god if you call me that around her….”  
You bust out laughing at August’s frustration. He’s so fun to mess with. He groans at your laughter.

“Anyways, where you wanna meet?” you ask.

“How about our favorite coffee shop?” 

There was a small café called “Espresso Yourself” that was within walking distance from Ebott Elementary. You and August go there frequently. They have really good coffee and their pastries weren’t too bad either.

“Yah that’s fine. I can be there in 15 minutes.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

After hanging up, you stretch your arms. Part of you is a little disappointed in not being able to stay home and relax. You’re happy for August though and you want to meet his new girl. 

You’re wearing an old t-shirt from the amusement park you used to work at. It says “High Roller” and has a picture of a winding coaster on it with the parks logo. You’re also wearing some plaid pajama pants. You grumble and quickly change out of them, replacing them with jeans. You decide the shirt is alright.

When you arrive at the café, you see August standing awkwardly near the entrance, getting in people’s way as he scans the street. He’s clearly the first to arrive. You laugh a little. He’s such a dork.

You’ve always thought that August had attractive features. His (Not natural, he dyes that shit every weekend) black hair contrasts nicely with his pale skin. And his eyes were like tropical blue lagoons that you could soak in for hours. Yah, your bestie was pretty hot, you thought. You guys had tried dating a few years ago, you even had a drunken hook-up one blurry night, but it just didn’t feel right. You both eventually agreed that you worked better as just friends. And honestly, he’s like a brother to you. But man, if he wasn’t nice to look at…

He smiles and visibly relaxes a little when he sees you coming towards him. 

“Hey ya dork. Hope you weren’t waiting long. I had to change out of my pajamas.”

He laughs. “Of course you’d be in your pajamas at 4 in the afternoon…”

“Hey, I had a stressful day at the school. This little shit was bullying one of the monster kids.” You sigh, recalling how sad poor Brianna had looked. You silently hoped that she was happily playing with her friend and his dogs right now.

“I’m sorry… I hate that people are teaching their kids to be racist pricks… I mean where else could that be coming from…? Oh, and that reminds me. Just a heads up, Agatha said that her friend that she’s bringing is a monster. I guess it’s a former professor of hers.”

“Agatha, huh? So that’s her name?” You smile at August and raise an eyebrow.

“Yah. Heh. Sorry, I guess I forgot to tell you. I’m kinda nervous, in case you can’t tell.”

“Why are you nervous?” you look at your friend, concerned. He’s not meeting your eyes.

“I don’t know, really…”

“Just relax, it’s going to be fine.” He gives you a cautious smile when, suddenly something catches his eye, his face lights up and he grins at you.

“Oh! Hey, they’re here!”

Agatha is stunning. She has beautiful strawberry blonde hair that goes down almost to her waist. Her face is flecked with freckles that seem to accentuate her bright blue eyes. And the way August looks at her…. It’s too cute. You can see the adoration in his eyes. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him so happy. He doesn’t have the best track record with relationships though… He tends to get too attached to people, too quickly. You really want this to work out for him, and you’re a bit worried.

Her friend is a small yellow dinosaur-looking monster. Her name is Alphys, apparently. She seems kind of shy. When Agatha introduced her she simply looked down at the ground and let out a soft “hello.” 

You all go up to the counter and order drinks. You decide to order a cream cheese Danish as well.  
August leads you all to a booth in the corner.

“Do you have any plans for the summer, Agatha?” You ask. In about a month, the Spring semester would be over. You honestly couldn’t wait. Summer was the best. You had extra time for the things you loved, video games, books, and spending time with August.

“Yah, actually. I’m going to Puerto Rico with my parents for a few weeks. We’ll be staying at this really nice resort. It’ll be nice to unwind a bit after how stressful school has been this semester. I’m never taking 18 credits again! Uhg.” She strokes her head with her hands, as if trying to soothe a headache. You were about to take a bite of your danish, but you just look at her stunned.

“Oh my god! 18? Wow you’re crazy. I could never do that. I’m taking 12 and I’m struggling with that.” You look at her in disbelief. She just gives you a stressed smile and takes a sip of her coffee. 

“S-So what are you studying, ____?” Alphys asks, looking at you nervously.

“Psychology. I want to eventually become a school psychologist. Right now I’m interning with Dr. Kaeden, the psychologist at Ebott Elementary. He acts a little cold towards me sometimes, but he’s incredibly talented and I have a lot of respect for the guy.”

“P-Psychologist, huh? S-So you like working with k-kids?” Alphys asks, smiling at you.

“Yah! They’re all so cute! I love being able to help them work through their problems. Not all of them have the best lives at home…” You pause, frowning for a moment. You decide to change the subject.

“So, how did you meet August?” you ask, looking at Agatha.

“We were both taking a physical chemistry class and we got assigned to do a group project together. The other group members slacked off and the two of us wound up doing all of the work. He ended up staying the night at my place after we finished the project, we stayed up almost all night just talking… Then, the next day, he asked me on a date. The date was incredible… August is such a gentleman. He brought me flowers! Then August took me to dinner and for a romantic walk in the woods. I had a great time and agreed to see him again. We’ve been out a few times since and, well, here we are, now!” She looks at August smiling sweetly.

You can’t help yourself. “So what you’re saying…. is that you guys had chemistry?” You laugh way too hard at your own joke. Agatha and Alphys laugh with you and August just glares. He hates stupid jokes with a passion. He’s more of a sarcasm and dark humor kinda guy.

“Damnit, ____” He grumbles.

“What?” You grin. “I can’t help it! I just love seeing your _reactions._ ”

He scowls at you while everyone else chuckles at your joke.

“Y-You remind me of one of m-my friends, ____.” Alphys says, smiling and looking down at your shirt.

“Oh yah, Alphys has the coolest friends!” Agatha interjects. “And her girlfriend, Undyne, is the best! She’s teaching me archery! You guys should come meet them all sometime! I’m sure they’d love you!”

“A-Actually, Undyne and I are h-having a p-party next weekend. Y-You can all c-come if you l-like.”

You look at August who just shrugs at you.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that, Alphys.” You say, smiling at the timid, yellow monster.


	2. Waffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to spend some quality time with your best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is a bit of a shorter chapter. I hope you all like it. Thanks for reading, as always!

You are awoken by a heavy, fluffy lump settling down on your chest. 

“Fuck… Chewie… Get off uh me…” You grumble, pushing the gray cat off your chest and into the blanket beside you. Chewie doesn’t get the hint and climbs right back on top of you. Her tail brushes your nose as she turns, making herself comfortable. You decide that this is not a winning battle and that it’s probably best to get up. 

Ahh. Saturday. And no plans! It was going to be a wonderfully lazy day.

You decide to take a bubble bath instead of your usual morning shower. You play some soothing music on your phone. You relax in the tub for about 20 minutes, covered in the warm fragrant bubbles. It’s been a while since you last did this. It’s nice.

You dry yourself off and put on some sweatpants and a T-shirt. As you enter the kitchen, you have the sudden urge to make chocolate chip waffles. The thought of warm waffles oozing with chocolate fills you with determination. 

Looking out the window, you notice the absence of your dad’s car in the driveway. 

He never came home last night. 

Figures. 

You gather up all of the ingredients you need. Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, oil, baking soda, and of course: chocolate chips. While you’re in the middle of mixing the waffle batter, your phone goes off, startling you.

It’s Dr. Kaeden.

Fuck. 

“Hello?” You answer. 

“Hi, ____. I had a question for you.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still babysit?” He asks. You have been babysitting since you were 14. It’s always been a source of easy income for you. All you really have to do is sit around and make sure the kid doesn’t get into any trouble. Occasionally you have to cook something or order pizza. You suppose that 22 is probably too old to be babysitting, but you’re not about to pass up easy money.

“Yah, I sure do! I didn’t think you had kids though?”

“Oh no no, it’s not for me. All of the health and wellness staff from the school are meeting to discuss the issue of student health services during the summer months. Our new nurse, Toriel, has a child and needs a babysitter. I told her I would ask you if you were available and willing to sit for her tonight.”

“Um, yah sure. What’s the kid’s name?”

“It’s Frisk I believe. Also, I think they’re mute. You know ASL, right?

“Um a little bit… I took a class once.” 

“That should be fine. The meeting is at 7:00. Toriel would need you to be at her house at 6:30. Is that alright? I’ll text you the address”

“Yah that works, I guess.”

You continue making your waffle batter after you hang up. You pull out the waffle iron and turn it on so that it can heat up. You add the final ingredient, the chocolate chips. Right as you’re about to pour the batter into the waffle iron, your phone goes off again. So much for a lazy Saturday…

“Auggie <3”

You sigh and answer the phone.

“Hey August. What’s up?”

“Hey _____. Just wanted to chat. Whatcha up to right now?”

“I’m making waffles. I just got a phone call from Dr. Kaeden. I guess I’m babysitting some monster’s kid tonight. Oh and it looks like my dad has disappeared again….” You sigh. You hate the fact that this is now considered normal.

“I want waffles! Can I come over?! Oh…. and I’m sorry about your dad…”

“Yah you can come over. Some company would be nice. It’s kind of weird being all alone in this house. And Eh… It’s okay. Not much I can do. He barely even talks to me anymore. God only knows what he’s been up to.”

“Alright. I’ll be there in 15 minutes. My waffles better be ready, woman!” he jokes. You giggle at him and hang up the phone.  
When August arrives, you’re just about done making the waffles. 

“Oh my god, they smell so good!” he enthuses. You prepare a couple of plates for the two of you and turn to find the syrup in the cupboard. You drown your waffles with syrup and August gives you a judgmental look. 

“What’s that look for?” You ask him, frowning a little. 

“You want some waffles with your syrup?” He grins at you mischievously and snatches the syrup bottle from your hands. He then continues to pour an ungodly amount of syrup on his own waffles.

“Hypocrite.” You snort at him. He just continues to grin at you. 

“So are you looking forward to that monster party this weekend?” He smiles at you and bites a piece of waffle, chocolate oozing as he does so.

“It’s not just monsters, I’m sure there’s going to be other humans too, like your new girlfriend.” You laugh at him. He blushes at your last word. 

“She’s not my girlfriend. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks…” 

“Yah, yah, I know. I hope that she sticks around though. I can tell that you’re happy and she seems really sweet.” You smirk at him, watching him try to talk over a mouthful of waffle.

“…Fanks….” is all he manages to get out. You snort at his response and he grumbles a little. 

“Anyways, yah. I am really looking forward to the party. It’ll be nice to meet some new people. I can’t just be hanging out with you all the time.” You wink at him. 

“You’re not going to be uncomfortable being one of the only humans at this party? Agatha said that there may be one other human there, but that’s it. Everyone else, monsters.” He looks at you, a little anxiously.

“Eh. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Aren’t you used to being surrounded by Monsters by now? I mean, Morrison is brimming with them. And Agatha seems to like these people. Don’t you trust her?” 

“Yah of course I do. And you’re right about the monsters. It’s just hard for me sometimes… I guess I just get anxious about new things. You know me…” He looks down. The expression on his face is a little embarrassed. Poor thing. His anxiety had always been pretty bad. More than once, you’ve had to drag a sobbing Auggie out of a room that was ‘too crowded’ or out of an elevator that ‘made a funny noise.’ There have been times that you’ve been forced to exit off the highway, before you had to, because of his panic attacks. You’d eventually learned it’s best just to take the stairs and avoid the highway in the first place.

“Yah,” you sigh, “I do. But trust me, everything is going to be fine.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Auggie.”

August’s smile quickly shifts to a playful glare. He grabs you from up from your chair and pulls you into a rough hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys think Auggie is adorable? I think Auggie is adorable...


	3. Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader meets Frisk and the great Papyrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frisk is mute and gender neutral. Please let me know if I accidentally messed that up at all. Thanks! And thanks for reading!

You pull up to the address, that Dr. Kaeden texted you, around 6:15. You always liked to arrive at new places a little early so you can scope them out beforehand. This is a habit you’d picked up from August. He always liked to be early, too. He says that it helps with his anxiety. 

The house you are in front of looks cozy and cute. It’s much smaller than your house and is maintained a lot better. The outside is painted a cheery yellow. The trim on the house is a nice lavender color. There is a small, fenced-off vegetable garden beside the house. You think you see… snails? roaming in the garden? There are well-tended flowers decorating the sides of the house. It truly is a beautiful home. 

You step out of your car after admiring for a moment and you make your way to the front door. You knock and are soon greeted by the goat nurse from before.

“Hello ____. We have not been formally introduced, my name is Toriel. Would you like to come in, child?” The goat monster warmly gestures for you to come inside. 

“Um... yah sure.” You’re a bit weirded out that she just called you ‘child’ but you choose to ignore it. It seems almost natural for her to call you that. 

“You were there when I had to tend to that… unpleasant little girl the other day, weren’t you?” She looks at you sadly.

“Yah. I blame the parents, honestly. That must be where it’s coming from. I can’t imagine a child could be so vile on their own. I hope she wasn’t rude to you, too.”

“She was not very agreeable, no.” Toriel sighs and shakes her head. The thought of that little brat being nasty with Toriel leaves you with a sick feeling in your stomach.

“I’m so sorry Toriel, you shouldn’t have to deal with that.” You look at the kind goat woman sympathetically. She smiles at you, changing the subject.

“So ____, Dr. Kaeden tells me that you are an experienced babysitter?”

“Yah, I love babysitting. I’ve been doing it since I was 14. I love kids and it’s a great way to make some extra cash.”

“That is very good to hear. For the past year, I’ve been looking for someone reliable to watch Frisk for me when I am unable.” A small child, probably about 9 or 10 years old, bounces into the room at the mention of their name. They are wearing blue shorts and a blue shirt with purple stripes.

“Yeah anytime you need me, Toriel. Just let me know.”

“Oh I must ask you. Is it alright if Frisk has a friend over tonight? They’re actually an adult, but I’m not sure that they are erm… responsible enough to care for Frisk themselves. I mean, at least not under this circumstance. I certainly would never leave them alone with my kitchen.” She grimaces at the thought.

“Uh… Yeah that’s fine I guess.”

“Okay wonderful. I will be back in a few hours. I hope you enjoy yourselves. Frisk, you’d better behave while I’m gone and not cause any trouble for your new friend, understood?” 

The child in question nods their head yes and grins at you.

Not long after you and Frisk settle in front of the TV, there’s a loud knock at the door. And by loud, you mean it sounds like someone’s trying to break the fucking thing down.

You jump at the sudden noise and Frisk silently giggles at you and winks.

You get up to investigate. You look through the door’s peephole and there’s… a skeleton monster? With a scarf? You’d never seen a skeleton monster before. Most of the monsters you’ve met vaguely resemble various animals. 

You look questioningly at Frisk. They just smile at you and motion for you to go ahead and open the door.

“HELLO HUMAN. IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS. I AM HERE TO ACCOMPANY YOU AND THE SMALLER HUMAN FOR THE EVENING!” He is practically shouting. You wince at his volume, making Frisk giggle even more. 

*Hey Papyrus!* Frisk signs. Papyrus rushes over to Frisk and pulls them into a tight hug. 

*How have you and your brother been?* Frisk asks once they are released from the hug.

“I HAVE BEEN VERY WELL, THANK YOU. I HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR THE KING, HELPING HIM RUN HIS NEW TEA STORE. MY BROTHER ON THE OTHER HAND… HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT LAZY SINCE WE ARRIVED ON THE SURFACE. AND, TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, HE CONTINUES TO TORTURE ME WITH HIS PERPETUAL PUNNERY.”

“Perpetual punnery?” you ask, amused.

*Yeah, his brother Sans likes puns.* Frisk explains to you.

“IT TRULY IS THE WORST THING EVER.” Papyrus exclaims dramatically. 

*Hey, why don’t you make ____ your famous spaghetti, Pap? I’m sure she’d love to try it* Frisk asks him, grinning up at you mischievously. You panic for a moment, remembering Toriel’s comment about Papyrus and her kitchen.

“Um… maybe that’s not such a great…” before you can finish, Papyrus cuts you off.

“NONSENSE, HUMAN. IT IS ALWAYS A GREAT TIME FOR THE SPAGHETTI! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM A MASTER CHEF! MY SPAGHETTI IS OF THE HIGHEST STANDARD, FOR I HAVE BEEN TRAINED IN THE CULINARY ARTS BY THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD, HERSELF!”

“Um… I don’t know Papyrus… Toriel said something about not wanting her kitchen messy…”

“HAVE NO FEAR, HUMAN. I WILL MAKE SURE THE QUEEN’S KITCHEN IS IMMACULATE ONCE I HAVE COMPLETED THE SPAGHETTI!” Wait… Did he just say Queen?

“Welp. I guess this is happening.” You look at Frisk, slightly irritated. They stick their tongue out at you. Papyrus allows Frisk to climb up on his shoulders and then bounds into the kitchen. “I guess I’m babysitting two, tonight.” You sigh to yourself before turning to follow them.

In the kitchen, Papyrus is frantically trying to find spaghetti noodles. He is ripping through Toriel’s cupboards like a natural disaster, knocking everything over. You visibly cringe as you watch. Frisk is in the refrigerator, pulling out tomatoes and an onion, tossing them towards the counter. One of the tomatoes misses the counter and splats onto the floor. You can already tell that this is going to be a catastrophe. Papyrus’s spaghetti may very well be the end of your babysitting career.

Frisk pulls out a large pot and fills it with water. Papyrus has gotten a pan and is… punching the tomatoes and onion in it with his fists?

He must have seen the horrified/ confused look on your face because he remarks to you, “NYEH! THIS IS A SPECIAL ROYAL GUARD TECHNIQUE!”  
Frisk looks at the confused look on your face and starts giggling again.

“FRISK, WHERE DOES TORIEL KEEP THE GLITTER?” 

*Sorry, Paps. I don’t think we have any.* Frisks looks up at you and winks.

“OH THAT’S TOO BAD. I GUESS MY SPAGHETTI WILL NOT SPARKLE WITH GREATNESS TONIGHT. IT WILL STILL BE GREAT, HOWEVER!” You and Frisk both giggle at his enthusiasm. This seems to encourage him further.

“AND THAT IS BECAUSE IT IS MADE BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!”

Somehow, the spaghetti ends up being not too bad. You took a taste of the sauce and while it’s not the best you’ve had, it’s pretty good. The kitchen on the other hand… It looks like it barely survived some sort of storm surge. There’s tomato…. residue everywhere. Literally everywhere. Somehow some of it ended up on the ceiling. You’re confused for a moment but then remember how enthusiastically Papyrus was punching the tomatoes.

Papyrus, however, was true to his word and agreed to help clean the kitchen before eating. With the three of you cleaning, it takes about 20 minutes to get the kitchen looking like it did before hurricane Papyrus swept through. Satisfied, you tell Frisk and Papyrus that we can start eating. 

*Can we watch Mettaton’s new show while we eat?* Frisk looks up at you and Papyrus, excitedly. 

“Um… Mettaton?” You remember one of the monster children talking about liking Mettaton’s show during a therapy session, but you didn’t really know anything about it.

“HE WAS THE GREATEST STAR OF THE UNDERGROUND, IN FACT THE _ONLY STAR_ , AND I WAS HIS NUMBER ONE FAN! NOW THAT WE’RE ON THE SURFACE HE’S GOTTEN HIS OWN SHOW ON HUMAN TELEVISION. IT IS QUITE WONDERFUL! WHAT IS NOT WONDERFUL IS THAT MY BROTHER REFUSES TO WATCH HIS SHOW WITH ME... SO I DON’T GET TO WATCH HIM AS OFTEN AS I WOULD LIKE.”

“Why won’t your brother watch him?”

*Sans has never liked Mettaton.* Frisk signs to you, explaining.

“Hmm… Well I guess it’s alright if we watch him tonight. You guys go ahead. I’ll bring your plates out to you.”  
You prepare three plates of spaghetti, setting them on trays. You bring the trays of spaghetti for Papyrus and Frisk and are about to go get your own when – What the hell were they watching?!

A… (sexy?) robot thing is dressed in a leather corset and a very revealing pink skirt. They are doing a very provocative dance with a riding crop. A group of bug-like monsters join them. On the screen it describes them as the “Migosp backup dancers.” An apathetic-looking ghost is the DJ in the background. The song ends and the ghost chooses a new CD and starts to play it. “Oooh I looove this song Blooky, darling. Your Spookwave remix right?!” The ghost simply nods at the robot, smiling a little. The robot playfully smacks their own hand with the crop before continuing their lewd dancing. Both Frisk and Papyrus are glued to the screen. 

“What the hell is this?!” You are completely mortified that you’ve allowed a 9 year old to watch whatever this show is supposed to be.

*Mettaton.* Frisk beams at you. *I’ve actually been on their show a few times, myself. It’s mostly just music, dancing, singing, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally he will try to act. He’s not really the best actor though... He’s a little… robotic.* They wink at you. 

You are thankful when the show finally cuts to a commercial.

About an hour later, Toriel finally comes home. As she comes through the front door, Frisk runs to her and gives her a big hug.

“THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED!” Papyrus shouts joyfully.

“Why does Papyrus keep calling your mom a queen?” You ask Frisk. 

Toriel sighs deeply at the question. “Long ago, I was the Queen of the underground. I sat beside King Asgore for many years as Queen of the monsters. However, Asgore… did some terrible, unspeakable things. I left him because of it and am no longer the Queen. Please just refer to me as Toriel. There’s no need for any formalities.” She smiles at you reassuringly. 

“So how did your meeting go?” You ask, changing the subject.

“It went very well. It was decided that the school would remain open one day per week during the summer so that the children could access the medical and behavioral health services.”

“That’s great news, Toriel. And that means I can continue my internship this summer! I mean, if it’s alright with Dr. Kaeden.” 

“I’m sure that it will be. Dr. Kaeden speaks very highly of you, you know.” Toriel smiles and you blush a little. Dr. Kaeden had been talking about you? You pause for a moment, embarrassed.

“Well I’m glad to hear that.” You respond finally, still blushing. Toriel giggles at you a little.

“How did Frisk and Papyrus behave for you tonight?”

“It was an interesting night for sure. They both were fine, though. And I see why you wouldn’t want Papyrus unsupervised in your kitchen. It took the three of us 20 minutes to clean up the aftermath of him and Frisk making dinner.” Toriel laughs loudly at this, before excusing herself to make sure her kitchen was still intact. 

*Thanks for hanging out with me and Papyrus tonight! I had a lot of fun!* Frisk signs to you. They then run over to you and give you a big hug.

“Yah anytime little buddy.” You say as you ruffle their hair. They look up at you and grin. 

Toriel returns from the kitchen, a look of slight relief on her face. “Well I think it would be for the best if we let ____ go home. Papyrus, you should probably go home, too. You wouldn’t want to worry your brother.” 

“YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT. SANS DOES WORRY A LOT. ALTHOUGH I REGRET HAVING TO RETURN HOME TO HIS INCESSANT PUNNING.” 

Toriel slips you $30 as compensation for the evening. You thank her quietly and begin heading towards the door. Papyrus turns and grins at you. “FAREWELL HUMAN. IT WAS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU. HOPEFULLY I CAN SEE YOU AGAIN SOMETIME SOON!”

“Bye Papyrus, it was nice meeting you too.” You smile back at the adorable skeleton monster. 

You head out the door and begin walking to your car, laughing a little bit. You can’t wait to tell August all about Frisk’s and Papyrus’s shenanigans. You’re sure that he would adore the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no sparkly spaghetti was had that day...


	4. Snickerdoodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You run into Alphys and Undyne. Toriel asks for a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go, guys. Thanks for reading, as always!

On Monday, your classes seem to go on forever. During your history of psychology class, you discussed deinstitutionalization and how instead of being put in mental institutions, the mentally ill are ending up in jails and prisons instead. The class had a rather heated debate about whether or not we should allow long-term, or permanent, hospitalization of the severely mentally ill. You were feeling pretty groggy and hungover today, so you didn’t participate much.

Last night, August came over and the two of you decided to get sloshed - a pretty common occurrence for a Sunday night. You couldn’t even remember how many appletinis you drank. You DO remember, however, getting on Youtube at some point and playing 90s pop music videos for him. You’re pretty sure you sang and danced to “Barbie Girl” with him. Oh god, how embarrassing… Eh, oh well. You both were enjoying it. His drunk dancing was always hilariously awful, hell it’s half the reason you got him drunk in the first place. 

You woke up this morning passed out on your couch. August was slumped awkwardly over your reclining chair. He looked like he drooled all over his shirt. Poor Auggie. 

August’s phone was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. You snicker, remembering telling a very drunken Auggie that no, it was not a good idea to call Agatha at three in the morning to profess his undying love for her. 

You were almost late to school because, of course, you forgot to set an alarm last night. Luckily you are used to getting up at the same time every day, so your body naturally woke you.

You’ve never been a morning person, but you decided to take all morning classes this semester so you would have time in the afternoons to spend with Dr. Kaeden, as well as August. You regretted this decision a little. It was difficult for you to focus in the morning. Especially if you were hungover. 

Writing class doesn’t go much better than your psychology class. Today, you’re supposed to be working on a draft of a research paper. The topic you chose was antisocial personality disorder. You had always found psychopaths and sociopaths fascinating. But today… you’re having a hard time finding any motivation to get actual work done. ‘Eh… I’ll just wait until the last minute to do it, like I always do.’ 

Your teacher keeps looking around the room to make sure everyone is working. Opening up the Wikipedia article about ASPD on your computer, you proceed to mess around on your phone for the next hour. Occasionally you will scroll down the page a bit or open up your unfinished draft in word.

After school, you decide to stop at Espresso Yourself for a latte before you go to see Dr. Kaeden. Of course there’s like 10 people in line right now. You grumble to yourself a little as you enter the café. Looking around, you notice a familiar yellow monster sitting with a blue fish-looking woman. You decide to say hello to your new friend. 

“Hey Alphys, how’s it going?” You smile at the two. Alphys smiles back and you and the fish woman gives you a skeptical look.

“H-Hey, ____. Undyne, this is o-one of A-Agatha’s f-friends. I invited h-her to our p-party this w-weekend.”

“Oh! Nice to meet ya, punk!” She reaches out to shake your hand. Her grip is strong enough to crack one of your knuckles. You wince in pain and she gives you a huge grin. 

“It’s nice to meet you to.” You say, a little weakly.

“S-S-So are y-you still p-planning on c-coming to the p-party? I- I mean…. I understand if y-you don’t w-want to a-anymore…” Alphys looks down at the floor, wringing her hands. You thought she looked incredibly sweet and adorable. 

“Aww, Alphys. Of course I’m coming to your party! I’ve been looking forward to it ever since you invited me! I can’t wait to meet all of your friends.” You give Alphys a reassuring smile and she seems to relax a bit. 

“Who all is coming anyways? I mean other than the humans.” Undyne looks at her girlfriend questioningly. 

“Um… Napstablook, P-Papyrus, and Sans. M-Mettaton isn’t s-sure if he’s g-going to be able t-to make it or n-not.” She says, a little sadly. You smile at Papyrus's name. Papyrus and his brother would be coming! Auggie will get to meet Papyrus! How exciting!

“That overgrown calculator better be there or I’ll pummel him! I mean you _made_ him. They’d still just be a fucking ghost if it weren’t for you! They owe you big! And I'm not even going to mention what he's put poor Napstablook through...”

“Y-Yeah I guess y-youre right.” Alphys sighs and smiles sweetly at her girlfriend. The two of them were just so cute together! Your mind twinged with jealousy for a moment... You longed to have that kind of relationship in your life.

You look over towards the counter and it looks like the line has cleared. “Well I’d better get going. I have to help Dr. Kaeden at the school today. It was nice meeting you, Undyne. And nice to see you again Alphys.”

“See ya later, nerd!” Undyne grins at you.

“B-Bye, ____”Alphys smiles at you, a little awkwardly and gives you a small wave. 

When you finally leave the café, latte in hand, you have 10 minutes before you need to be at the school, which is practically across the street from Espresso Yourself. You mentally congratulate yourself on your perfect timing. 

Dr. Kaeden is in with a patient when you arrive at the school, so you decide to go and say hi to Toriel. The nurse is sitting quietly at her desk, reading a book. You glimpse at the title, it’s “Snail Farming Made Easy.” She looks up at you and smiles.

“Hello ____, would you like a snickerdoodle? I baked them fresh this morning. They’ve been very popular with my patients today.” On top of her desk is a tupperware filled with cinnamon speckled cookies. Upon opening the lid, the heavenly smells of cinnamon and sugar fill the room. 

“Oh these look wonderful, Toriel! It’s so sweet how you bake these for the kids!” Snagging one of the cookies from the Tupperware, you smile with appreciation. 

“Actually ____, I did have a favor I’ve been wanting to ask you. I guess now is as good a time as any. Would you mind sitting down?” She motions to the chair in front of her desk.

“Yah, of course.” You take a seat in the comfortably cushioned chair.

“So you may not know this, but Frisk is the child responsible for freeing the monsters from the underground.” Your eyes widen. The media first began reporting about the emergence of monsters from Mt. Ebott about 9 months ago. It was revealed that the monsters were freed with the help of a child who had fallen down into Mt. Ebott. No identifying information had been given about the child responsible, in order to protect their privacy. So it was Frisk… Huh…

“Oh wow, really? I mean I guess that would explain why the kid knows so many monsters… How did they do it?”

She laughs a little, “I’m sure they would love to tell you all about it sometime. They just love talking about their adventure underground. Anyways, Frisk has agreed to finally talk to the media about what happened to them. Frisk will be going to Washington D.C. in a few weeks to talk with national leaders and attend a press conference. They will be need to be there for a week.”

“So what’s the favor you needed?” 

Her expression drops a little bit into almost a grimace. “Unfortunately I will be working during the trip so I will be unable to go with Frisk. My ex-husband is going to be a part of the diplomacy trip as well, representing monsterkind as the King.” Toriel sighs. 

“It’s not that I think Asgore would hurt Frisk…” Toriel cringes, remembering the time he _had_ hurt Frisk… “It’s just I would feel better if I knew someone else was going with the two of them… So I was wondering if you would be willing to go to the Capitol with them. I’m sure I can get you some sort of note to get out of school if you need it. “ 

You think about the request for a moment. Could you afford to miss a week of school? Your grades had been a little shaky this semester. You wanted to blame the early morning classes, but you knew that was only partly the cause. To be honest, you’d been kind of slacking off… Well, this WAS pretty important. The press conference would probably help sway public opinion about monsters. Monsters had it pretty rough right now… You think about little Brianna for a moment and sigh.

“Yah, I’ll do it.” You say somewhat resignedly.

Toriel looks absolutely thrilled at your acceptance. “Thank you so much, ____! You have no idea how much this means to me. Here, why don’t you take another cookie?”  
After Toriel properly thanks you with a warm hug and a baggie full of snickerdoodles, you begin the walk back to Dr. Kaeden’s office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is Frisk going to be able to change public opinion? Will reader like Asgore's tea?? Will Auggie x Aggie ever be a thing??!
> 
> Stay tuned ;)


	5. Grilled Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and August get ready for the monster party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted for a few days. Here, have some fluff. I hope you like it.

The rest of your week is pretty boring. Finals were rapidly approaching (just one month left!) and you could feel the stress building up inside of you. You had 2 final papers you need to write and 3 exams that you needed to study for. August had been seeing Agatha more and more, which left little time for him to spend with you. This was probably a good thing, however, since you needed to be getting schoolwork done. Especially since you would be losing a week’s time due to the trip with Frisk. 

By the end of the week, you had your English paper done and your History of Psychology paper started. You also had gone through the study guides for your Algebra and Personality Theory classes. You just needed to study for your History of Psychology exam. You felt pretty good about yourself. It was rare for you to get work done in advance. You almost always put it off. The week flies by pretty quickly and before you know it, it’s Saturday. 

You are woken early Saturday morning to the sound of the front door opening. You hear a familiar grumble and uneven footsteps leading to your father’s bedroom. You then hear his bedroom door slam shut. 

Huh. So he finally decided to come home. This is probably the longest he’s ever been gone, it’s been over a week. Also, it sounds like he might be drunk. Wonderful.  
You groan to yourself before shutting your eyes once more and slowly drifting back to sleep.

You are awoken a few hours later by the sound of crashing pots and pans. Hmm… maybe he was going to make you breakfast as a peace offering? Before you can do anything, your phone starts going off.

“Auggie <3” is calling you. 

You smile. You’ve haven’t talked to August for a few days. It’s nice to finally hear from him.

“Hey August.”

“Hey, ____. I’ve got some really great news! Do you mind if I come over?”

“Yah that’s fine. I can make us some lunch and then we get ready for the party together.”

“Alright. I’ll be there in about an hour. I have an errand I need to run, real quick.

“Okay, sounds good.”

You change out of your pajamas and put on a t-shirt and some jeans. You feel too lazy to put on any make-up or fix your hair, so you just wash your face and pull your hair up into a ponytail. Eh, August never really cared what you look like. You head into the kitchen. Your dad is nowhere to be seen, but there is a huge pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the counter, that you cleaned just yesterday, is filthy. You grumble and start working on cleaning up his mess so you can start cooking. For lunch, you decide to make Auggie’s favorite: grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. 

You have everything ready. The soup is heating up on the stove and the sandwiches are ready to be grilled. August should be here pretty soon. You head into your room to watch some music videos while you wait. After a while, you hear the house’s front door slam shut. You run over to the window and watch as your dad jumps into his car, leaving yet again. How rude. He didn’t say a single word to you all morning. 

Eventually, August shows up. You greet him at the front door. He’s carrying a duffel bag. You give it a questioning look and he just shrugs at you.

“I thought I’d bring some different options of clothing to wear tonight.” You give him another funny look. This was not something that he would normally do. 

“So what’s the news that you have for me?” You ask him, smirking a little when he starts blushing. 

“Well… last night, I asked Agatha to be my girlfriend…” He trails off, smiling.

After a moment, you interrupt his silence. “Yah, and? What did she say?!” 

“She said yes, of course! I said it was good news, didn’t I?” He’s beaming at you. “She wants us to tell all her friends at the party tonight. I’m kinda nervous. I was hoping you would help me pick something to wear…” He motions at the duffle bag, which he has placed on the kitchen table. 

“Yah of course I’ll help. But first, it is time for lunch, Auggie.” He groans at the nickname and you grin at him. You start to warm up a pan for the sandwiches and toss in a little pat of butter to cook them in. The butter quickly melts and soon the pan is hot. The sandwiches drop into the pan which responds with a soft sizzle. After a few minutes, you flip the sandwiches. They have crisped to a delicious golden brown. A little bit of cheese has oozed out and is crackling in the pan.

Turning around you notice that August is watching you and the sandwiches intently. You chuckle a little as you ladle the soup into two small bowls and plate the sandwiches. You cut each sandwich down the middle diagonally before serving them. Auggie looks delighted, and immediately dunks his sandwich into the soup and takes a large bite. 

“Mmmm, you spoil me, ____. These sandwiches are fucking perfect.”

“Eh, I try.” You shrug at him. 

After lunch, the two of you head into your bedroom. He proceeds to empty the duffle bag onto your bed, revealing a heaping mountain of clothing.

“Holy shit, August. Did you bring your entire closet with you??” 

“Sorry… I’m just really nervous. I need things to go well tonight. I’m going to be devastated if her friends don’t like me…” He looks at the pile of clothes sadly. You sigh and begin rummaging through the clothes. 

You have August try on a couple of different outfits before you choose some simple black pants and a mulberry button-down that really brings out the color in his eyes. You also help him spike out the front of his hair a bit with gel. He looks pretty fucking handsome. 

“Now it’s your turn.” August proceeds to look through your closet, grumbling. “Damnit ____, don’t you own anything sexy?!” He looks at the three dresses that reside in the back of your closet. “These dresses look like something my mom would wear.” You snort at that. 

“Eh. I’ve never really liked dressing up. I prefer comfortable clothes. And why does it matter, anyways? We’re going to a monster party. It’s not like there’s going to be any hot guys.”

He laughs a little. “What if you meet a monster man that strikes your fancy?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you. You hadn’t even considered that possibility… I mean did monsters even date humans? Was that a thing? 

“God, I don’t know!... That’s weird August!” You blush a little and it just makes August laugh harder. 

“C’mon ____, let’s go shopping. Tonight’s an important night and I want us both looking our best. No mom-dresses allowed.”

“Uhg, fine. No heels though. I refuse to subject my poor feet to that sort of abuse.”

“Fine. We’ll find you some nice flats.”

August decides to take you to the new mall that opened up a few blocks from central downtown. It’s fairly busy today, it takes you a few minutes to find a parking spot.

Most of the shops inside the mall were owned by monsters. You and August walk around for a few minutes before you spot a familiar name. 

“Mettaton’s Boutique”

You cringe, remembering the strange show that Frisk and Papyrus had you watch last weekend. August must have noticed your reaction to the store because before you know it, he has grabbed your hand and is pulling you towards it. You look at him and can see the mischief painted on his face. 

The store is filled with an abundance of gaudy, glittery clothing. There is nothing in sight that you could ever imagine yourself wearing. August grabs a bright yellow sequin dress that was probably too short to even cover your ass. You glare at him and he laughs, putting it back.

“Why are we in here?”

Before August can respond, a ghost materializes in front of you. You nearly scream in surprise.

“Oh no… Sorry, I wasn’t trying to scare you guys… I just thought you might want some help finding clothes… I mean, if you want… If you don’t need me, I understand... I can just go back over to the counter…” You suddenly feel a little bit guilty.

“N-no, wait! We’d love your help! Actually, I was wondering if you guys had anything a little less flashy.” 

“R-Really? You actually want my help? Oh… Okay. Uh well… this side of the store is all clothes designed by Mettaton. And yah, all of his stuff is pretty uh… glamourous. I can take you over to the Dapperblook section… if you want. That’s where we sell my designs. They’re a little more… demure than the MTT clothes…” The ghost smiles at you nervously.

“Yah that would be great.” The ghost leads you and August towards the back of the store. There is a small room with a sign on it reading “Dapperblook” in a nice modern-looking font. Inside the room are several mannequins displaying classy formal wear. One of them is wearing a beautiful cobalt blue dress. Seeing it, you know immediately that this was the dress you wanted. The dress was strapless with a sweetheart neckline. The waist was tightly fitted and fabric flowed down loosely beneath it, almost to the floor. On the bodice were beautiful cyan blue floral patterns and sparkling crystals that gave off a soft glow. 

“Can I try that dress on?” You ask the ghost, grinning and pointing towards the mannequin.

“Y-You like it?”

“Yes! It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. How are those crystals glowing like that?” You swear you could see a soft pink flush the ghost’s face for a moment. 

“T-that dress is inspired by my old home in the underground, actually. That’s where the crystals come from, too... It was called ‘Waterfall’. I always thought it was a beautiful place to live. Nothing like the surface, though… What size are you? Let me go and see if I have one that will fit you.”

“I’m a size 6.” Without another word, the ghosts fades out of the room. 

A moment later, the ghost reappears, carrying another blue dress. 

“We have fitting rooms back there…” He points towards the back wall. 

The ghosts hands the dress over to you before you make your way to the fitting room. 

The dress fits almost perfectly. You have to admit, it looks pretty sexy on you. Yet, it is not at all trashy. The tight waist really brings out your natural curves. You open up the door to the fitting room so that August can see.

As you step out, his eyes widen a little.

“W-Wow ____, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed so nicely. You look incredible!” You find yourself fighting back a blush. 

“Thanks, August. I think I’m gonna buy it.”

You walk towards the counter to check out. The ghost slowly appears as you approach. He smiles at you as he rings up the dress. $120 is a lot more than you would normally spend for clothing, but this dress was definitely worth the money. There was something about it… Something almost familiar, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was. 

“T-Thanks for stopping by guys. I hope you’ll come again. My name is Napstablook, by the way…” The ghost smiles at you, sweetly.

“It was nice to meet you, Napstablook. My name is ____, and this is my friend August. Thanks for the dress. I’m sure it will be a hit at the party I’m going to! I’ll definitely be back to check out the rest of your clothes.”

“Thank you… It’s not often that I meet people who are so kind…” 

You turn around as you leave and notice that the ghost is smiling to himself, contentedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the party and San's appearance in the next chapter! Thanks for reading, guys! :D


	6. Not-Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time!

You and August arrive at the party a little late. August had insisted on doing your hair, and it took forever before he was finally happy with it. You appreciated him helping you out, and honestly you felt really pretty tonight. However, you knew that being late made him extra anxious and today was not a day that Auggie needed extra anxiety.

You pull up to the curb, across the street from Undyne and Alphys’s house. You could see Papyrus’s red convertible already parked in the driveway, along with several other cars you didn’t recognize. 

“So what’s the plan, exactly?” You look over at August. He’s looking out the passenger window of your car, refusing to meet your gaze. There’s a moment of awkward silence before he responds. 

“We uh… walk across the street…?” You glare at August as he finally turns to look at you, smirking “But first, we should probably look both ways… Safety is very important.”

You groan a little. “August, you know what I’m talking about….”

August looks down and frowns a little. “Alright. Agatha wants to tell Undyne and Alphys first. Then she wants to tell the others later in the night.”

“I guess that seems like a pretty decent plan. Do you want me to be there with you or do you think you’ll be alright on your own?”

He looks back up towards you, still frowning. “I’m not really sure. Can you just stay nearby in case I need you to rescue me? I mean, if things go south..?” 

“Yah I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

“Thanks, ____. That makes me feel a little better.”

You both finally step out of your car and slam the doors shut.

“So do you want me to hold your hand as we cross, or…?” August grins at you.

“Fuck you August.” 

You knock on the door and almost immediately, Undyne opens it and greets you. She’s wearing a lacy red blouse and dress pants. She looks really nice. She grins and pulls you into a tight hug before turning to August and doing the same. “Hey ya punks! Glad you could make it. Everyone is in the kitchen.”

Inside the kitchen (which is quite large), you see Agatha and Papyrus cooking something on the stove. Whatever it is, it smells pretty good. You’re a little surprised to see the ghost from Mettaton’s store standing in the corner, sipping a soda. You give him a small wave and he smiles shyly in your direction. There’s another, smaller, skeleton monster sitting at the far end of the counter island with what looks like a glass of whiskey. He is eyeing you and August suspiciously. You assume that this must be Papyrus’s brother. Alphys is sitting at the other end of the island, doing something on her phone.

You decide to go talk to Papyrus and Agatha first. August immediately follows your lead as you both make your way into the kitchen. 

“So whatcha guys making?” you ask cheerfully.

“Spaghetti, of course.” Agatha winks at you.

“I AM MAKING MY SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI TO CELEBRATE MY BLOSSUMING FRIENDSHIP WITH THE HUMANS! NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus beams at you enthusiastically, while stirring his spaghetti sauce.

“Thanks Papyrus, I’m sure it’s going to be great! This is my friend August, by the way.” You say, gesturing towards him. 

“IT IS NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, HUMAN. AGATHA HAS SAID A LOT OF REALLY NICE THINGS ABOUT YOU.”

August blushes fiercely which causes you and Agatha to giggle.

“hey, there.” You jump in shock and turn around to see the small skeleton monster standing right behind you. 

“Oh… uh hey. Sorry, you scared me a little. I’m ____, and this is my friend August. 

“sorry kid. didn’t mean to _rattle your bones_. i’m sans.” The skeleton combines his terrible pun with an equally goofy grin. 

You try your hardest not to laugh, but fail. August just rolls his eyes.

“Now come on Sans, that wasn’t very _humerus_. Could you _pastably_ spare my friends from the bad jokes for at least a little bit?” Agatha joins in, grinning at you and Sans.

“Uhg, not you too!” August groans. 

“hey c’mon buddy. ‘s not fair getting mad at us _fusilli_ reasons.”

“Besides, San’s puns are the best in the entire _ziti_.” Agatha grins at her boyfriend mischievously while he pouts at her in annoyance. 

“BROTHER. AGATHA. WILL YOU PLEASE STOP? YOU ARE UPSETTING THE BLACK-HAIRED HUMAN… AND ME AS WELL.” Papyrus looks at August, genuinely concerned.

“sorry paps.” Sans smiles and shrugs at his brother. 

“YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU ARE SORRY BUT THEN YOU CONTINUE TO ASSAULT ME WITH YOUR ENDLESS BARRAGE OF TERRIBLE PUNS.”

“what can i say? i’m a pretty _punny_ guy.” He winks at his brother who groans in distress.

While Agatha and Papyrus finish cooking dinner, you and August head over to sit behind the counter island. Alphys is now sitting on Undyne’s lap, they are looking at something on her phone and giggling. Sans has disappeared somewhere, although you can’t recall seeing him leave the room. Napstablook is sitting in the corner with his headphones on, gently nodding his head to his music. 

You just relax, sipping a beer and chatting with August for a while. August seems to have relaxed a bit as well. The party isn’t at all what you had been expecting. You were expecting it to be a lot louder and more crowded. 

Suddenly, you hear the front door swing open. A familiar voice comes booming through the house. 

“Hello, daaarlings! I brought cake for everyone!” You turn around and see Mettaton sashay into the kitchen, carrying a ridiculous cake that’s shaped like his face.

“M-Mettaton, you a-actually came!” Alphys exclaims, jumping up from Undyne’s lap to go greet the robot with a hug. 

“But of course, darling. I would never pass up an opportunity to see my favorite little scientist.” He picks up Alphys and hugs her. She squeals a little, and he carefully sets her back down. 

“Oh, and Blooky, dear! Don’t think I forgot about you!” Mettaton rushes over to the little ghost and wraps him in a hug. 

“ATTENTION, FRIENDS. THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS FINISHED PREPARING YOUR MEAL. IF EVERYONE WOULD PLEASE HEAD INTO THE DINING ROOM, WE CAN… OH! METTATON! ARE YOU HERE TO SAMPLE MY FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI AS WELL?! WOWIE!” Papyrus 

“Pappy, darling. I would absolutely love to try the cooking of my number-one fan.” Mettaton winks at Papyrus, whose cheeks flush a deep orange. 

You hear a low grumble at your side and turn to notice that Sans is now sitting next to you. The hell? Taking a gulp of his whiskey, he stares daggers at Mettaton. 

“OH, WOWIE! THIS DAY IS TRULY GREAT... NOW, AS I WAS SAYING, LET US ALL GATHER IN THE DINING ROOM FOR SPAGHETTI!”

You all slowly pile into the dining room. Inside is a large table that is covered in dents of some sort. It looks like there was once a large crack down the middle, but it has been repaired and only a faint line remains. A lacy doily featuring a fish decorates the center of the table. Papyrus has placed a plate heaping with spaghetti, as well as a small plate with garlic bread, at each table setting. 

August sits to your left. He looks incredibly anxious. You notice Agatha gently caressing his hands beneath the table. Once everyone has seated, you begin to eat. Papyrus, who is sitting at your other side looks around the room excitedly, looking for people’s reactions to his pasta. 

“This is really good Papyrus! Even better than the spaghetti we made with Frisk!” Papyrus grins at your compliment. Sans looks over and smiles at you.

“yah, bro. this is pretty good. your cooking has really improved.” 

“WHY OF COURSE IT IS GOOD. IT WAS MADE BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND HIS ALMOST EQUALLY GREAT FRIEND, AGATHA.” 

Agatha snorts. “Thanks Papyrus. I’m always glad to help you with your spaghetti.”

After dinner, you decide to let August and Agatha spend some time alone. You hear the TV blaring in the living room and after grabbing another beer from the fridge, you decide to go and investigate. Sitting on opposite ends of the couch and watching some space documentary, you find Sans and Napstablook. You swear you notice a hint of a smile creep onto San’s face when you enter the room, but you’re probably just imagining things. 

“Hey, do you guys mind if I join you?”

“not at all, kiddo. we’re pretty _bonely_ in here. the blookster and I are just _dying_ for some company.” Snorting at the terrible jokes, you take a seat between Napstablook and Sans. 

The documentary was pretty interesting. It was about formation of the solar system and how the planets had come to be. For your degree, you needed two physical science classes. Astronomy 1 and 2 had been your choices, so you already knew quite a bit about what the documentary was explaining. You remembered pouring over diagrams in your textbook, studying how long ago, a gas cloud flattened out and spun until it became what is now our solar system. You looked over and Sans looked like he was glued to the documentary in awe. Napstablook, on the other hand, had a distant look in his eyes. You couldn’t tell if he was even paying attention. 

After a while, you find yourself feeling a bit drowsy. You blame the beer as well as your dad interrupting your sleep this morning. Now barely paying attention to the voices on the TV, you feel your eyelids grow heavy. Your blinking gets slower and slower. You feel yourself drifting away… 

When you wake up, you catch Sans staring at you, taking particular interest in your dress. The pinpricks in his eyes quickly flick away from you when he notices your eyes open, but it’s too late. You’ve caught him and he knows it. You notice his face glow a light shade of blue. Was that a blush? There’s an awkward silence for a moment. You realize that Napstablook is now gone and it’s just the two of you. You’re lying on the side of the couch where the little ghost was sitting, head resting on the armrest.

“Hey, don’t you know it’s rude to _star?_ You finally say. Sans looks at you, slightly surprised, before he chuckles.

“sorry, i was just _tele-scoping_ ya out. and i really must _comet_ on your dress. it’s really _out of this world._ ” You sit up and stretch out your arms as you giggle at the puns.

“Thanks. You’ll have to tell Napstablook that you like it. It was his design. He says that it’s inspired by some place in the underground… I can’t remember what he called it though.”

“…waterfall.” Sans smile fades into almost a grimace. Feeling the sudden tension, you decide to change the subject. 

“So your brother really likes his pasta, huh?” 

“heh. yah. it was the first food that he learned how to make, and i guess it kinda stuck with him. i suppose i have undyne to thank for that.” Sans grumbles a little. “ _tibia_ honest, i don’t really _have a stomach_ for the stuff anymore. he’s made spaghetti almost every night for the past few years, and i’m _bone-tired_ of it…” His puns seem a little forced and he you gives you a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, Sans. That would drive me absolutely insane. I can barely stand eating leftovers. The same thing over and over, day after day… Yikes. Must be hell…” The lights in Sans eyes dim a bit. “Maybe I could teach him some new recipes? I mean… I’m not the best at cooking, but I’m sure I can teach him how to make something other than spaghetti.” Sans looks at you with slight disbelief. 

“really? you would do that for me and my bro?”

“Yah of course. Your brother’s awesome. I’d love to teach him how to cook! Here, let me give you my number. Just text me sometime. I can come over and help Papyrus make you a non-spaghetti dinner.” You wink at him as he hands you his phone. You put in your name and phone number before handing it back to Sans. You're in the middle of thinking up a phone related pun when suddenly…

“OH MY GOD! CONGRATS YOU NERDS!!” You hear Undyne shout from the kitchen. Oh shit. August. You were supposed to have been keeping an eye on him…

You rush into the kitchen, where everyone is now slowly gathering due to the sudden commotion. August looks horrified, likely due to all of the attention. 

“T-That’s so sweet, you g-guys. I d-definitely ship it.” Alphys smiles as Undyne wraps her hand in her own. 

“what’s goin’ on in here?” Sans lazily walks into the kitchen, stopping to stand next to Papyrus. 

“THESE TWO HUMANS ARE NOW DATING, BROTHER.” Papyrus gestures towards August and Agatha. “DO YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD LEND THEM MY HANDBOOK?”

“nah. i don’t think that’s such a great idea, bro. you wouldn’t want the secrets to your unbeatable dating skills getting out now, would ya?” 

“I SUPPOSE YOU ARE RIGHT, SANS. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, CANNOT BE BESTED BY THE HUMANS!”

“KISS, YA DORKS!! WE ALL WANT TO SEE YOU KISS!!!” Undyne is getting incredibly excited. She forms a spear in her hand and slams it into the ground in front of August and Agatha. 

“N-Now Undyne, p-please calm d-down. We just f-fixed the floor f-from last t-time…”

August is staring at you, his eyes pleading for help. You smirk and shrug at him, earning you a glare. 

Agatha just giggles and gives August a quick peck on the lips. 

“Ow, ow!! Get some, Aggie!” The room erupts into laughter at Undyne’s enthusiasm. 

R.I.P. August.


	7. Breakfast Burritos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some plot stuff happens.

_This place is dark, damp, and cool. Magic hums through the misty air, giving you goosebumps as it tingles against your skin. You are not sure where you are, but you know you’ve been here before. You remember this. This is a special place._

_The magic begins swirling around you, humming louder and louder._

_You feel something resonating inside of you, deep within your soul. It is calling out for you. It begins as barely a whisper, but is soon shouting out your name. “____!!”_

_Terrified, you cry out. “W-Who are you!? What do you want?”_

_“You need to try and remember.” The voice is incredibly strange. You can’t actually hear it. It’s speaking directly into your mind. However, it is very distinct from the sounds of your own thoughts, so you know that it is not your own._

_“R-Remember what?!” After a moment of dreadful silence you realize that the magic is fading. You can feel the presence leaving your body. Everything is fading. The mist, the damp, the light. All fading away. Soon, the world is nothing but black._

You awaken with a start. What a horrible dream. You didn’t remember all of the details, just the feeling of your body being taken over by some dark presence. Groaning, you look at your alarm clock: 5:17 A.M.

Just wonderful. There was no way you were getting back to sleep. You hadn’t had any nightmares for a few months now so you suppose that this was inevitable. 

You slowly pull yourself away from your bed and shuffle your way to the kitchen. After you put on some coffee, you head back into your room and check your phone. Two new text messages and a voicemail.

You listen to the voicemail first. It’s from Agatha. 

“Hey ____. It’s me, Agatha. Just wanted to let you know that August and I both got home just fine. I had a great time tonight. I think my friends really like both you and August! Call me in the morning so I can take you to go pick up your car. Goodnight!” You smile. Agatha was so sweet. You’re glad that August is dating her instead of some bitch. Not only was she willing to haul your and Auggie’s drunk asses home last night, she wants to take you to pick up your car as well.

You decide to check the text messages next.

“Auggie <3” 1:32 A.M.

_damnitt, ____. I really wanted her to stey the night tonight. I was too scaered to ask her though… :(_

“Auggie <3” 1:47 A.M.

_well I guess I should go to bed. Call me sometiem tomorrow. Love ya._

You snicker at Auggie’s drunken texts. They remind you of a few years ago, when August had asked you to ‘stay the night’. The poor thing had been so nervous. And that was with you, someone who he had known for years. You couldn’t even imagine how nervous he must be asking Agatha. You wonder if maybe you should start dropping hints with her, trying to get her to make the first move...

Chewie comes waltzing into your room and jumps up onto your bed. She immediately finds the warm spot, where you had been sleeping. She curls up right against your pillow and stares at you. Giggling, you sit down next to her and stroke her back. She purrs contentedly and after about ten minutes of gentle petting, she falls asleep. 

You smile at the furry grey lump. Chewie lived on the streets before you found her. One day, when you were walking home from high school (you were about 16, at the time), you noticed a grey blur dart behind a dumpster. Upon further investigation, you found a scrawny grey cat trying to chew through a plastic bag to get into the take-out boxes inside of it. 

The cat seemed friendly and let you pet her when you approached. She had probably been someone’s pet at one time, you figured. You’re not entirely sure why, but you decided to scoop the cat up in your arms and carry her home. She came willingly, didn’t put up a fight at all. 

When you got home, you begged your dad to let you keep her. While your dad could be incredibly distant, he always had a soft spot for animals. So, of course, he let you keep the cat. The house had been free of any pets ever since your mother passed away. Your dad had decided to put her 2 dogs up for adoption. It was too painful for him to keep them. Having a new furry companion was a welcome change. It made the large house feel a little less cold and empty. 

It was no coincidence that the first time you met her she was chewing on a bag. The cat loved to chew on things. The blankets, books, the blinds, your fingers, DVD cases, your homework, the flowers in the garden, etc. You and your dad had mutually agreed that ‘Chewie’ was a fitting name. 

You lay down on your bed, next to Chewie. Peacefully, you rest your eyes for a few minutes. This doesn’t last for very long, however. You hear your phone going off.  
It’s Agatha. It isn’t even 6:00, yet. Why the hell is she calling you?

You answer the phone, a little annoyed. “Hello?”

“____?! Oh thank god you’re awake. I tried calling August and Undyne… But they’re both probably still asleep. Something happened last night, and I’m really freaked out right now. Can I come get you?” You’ve never heard her sound so panicked before. She’s normally so calm and collected. 

“Woah. Slow down. What happened?”

“Someone threw a rock through my windshield. They left me this awful note!”

“Oh my god, Aggie. What did the note say?” You realize you’ve never called her by her nickname before, just as the words escape your mouth. She seems unfazed by it, so you figure it’s okay.

“This terrible racist crap… there’s some vague threats against me… and a bunch of my personal information… Do you mind if I come get you? I’m really freaked out right now and don’t really want to be alone...”

“Yah of course. Just let me take a quick shower and get some clothes on. I should be ready in about half an hour.” 

“Alright. I’ll see you soon. 

After you finish getting dressed, you sit by the window, waiting for Agatha to arrive. Soon, you see her blue car pull up along the sidewalk in front of your house. It looks pretty roughed up. On the driver’s side, the windshield is almost entirely gone. The passenger’s side is covered with white, spidery cracks. When Agatha comes through the door, the first thing she does is hand you a small, slightly crumpled piece of paper. As you read it, you feel yourself getting nauseous. 

_What the hell is wrong with you? Are you just too much of a freak to find any human friends? Keep hanging out with those abominations if you want to find out how we deal with filthy monster-lovers. This is the only warning you’re going to get. We’ll be watching._

At the bottom of the note is Agatha’s full name, address, phone number, and school schedule. The note is signed with an upside-down heart with an ‘x’ through it. 

“Agatha… we should call the police. This is serious.”

Agatha sighs. “Yah. I already called them. They weren’t very helpful. I guess this sort of attack has become rather common. There’s a team investigating some monster hate-group that has established itself in the city. They didn’t tell me much more than that.”

“Did they even come down to look at your car?”

“Nope. They said they would file a report, but I’m not sure that they even did that…” The two of you stand silently for a moment. You felt absolutely helpless. What if this group decides to escalate things? Clearly, the police were apathetic, at best. These creeps had clearly been watching Agatha closely enough to find out her information. You wondered if they knew anything about you or August… The thought made chills run through your body.

“Do you want a breakfast burrito? I think I have everything I need to make some…” You finally offer. She gives you a weak smile and nods at you gratefully. You lead her into the kitchen and she quickly finds a seat at the kitchen counter. From the fridge you pull out ham, eggs, sausage, frozen hash browns, green chili, cheese, and tortillas.

You get out two skillets, one for the hash browns and the other for the proteins. You cook each ingredient separately and place them all into their own bowls. Once the hash browns have finally crisped up, you cut them into strips and you’re ready to start assembling the burritos. You pull out 6 tortillas. (You always make extras so you can freeze them.) On each tortilla you place a hearty scoop of scrambled eggs, some ham and sausage, and a strip of the hash browns. You drown the fillings with the chili and sprinkle on some cheese. Finally you carefully wrap up each burrito, making sure that nothing leaks out.

You serve up the two best-looking burritos and store the rest in the freezer.

You chat with Agatha for a bit over breakfast. Trying your best to keep things light and friendly, you talk about school, pets, books, etc. You take care to avoid bringing up anything even somewhat related to the hate group. You remember that you wanted to drop some hints about August, so you decide to steer the conversation in that direction. 

“So how are things moving along with August?” Agatha smiles when you mention his name.

“Things have been going great! Maybe a little slow... but really great nonetheless.”

“What do you mean by slow?”

“Well… Last night was actually our first kiss.” You can’t help but burst out laughing. That was bad… Even for August. Man, he must have it bad for this girl. 

“Hey! Don’t laugh at me!” Agatha looks at you, offended. “I mean, I don’t know why he hadn’t kissed me before, but I’m sure he had good reasons.” 

“I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at August. And don’t worry, if anything, you should be flattered. The more he likes someone, the more nervous he gets.” You grin at her and she seems to relax a little.

“So… you think it’s because he’s nervous?” Agatha looks at you, clearly digging for more information. 

“I know for a fact. We’re talking about August here. He’s the king of anxiety. If you want more from him, you’re going to have to be the one to initiate.” You wink at her and notice a soft blush creep onto her face. 

August owes you one. 

A few hours later, you and Agatha are watching TV in your living room. You're watching some reality show trash when Agatha’s phone finally stirs. Undyne is calling. Agatha answers and begins to explain what happened. As Agatha is talking, you can hear Undyne’s voice growing more and more agitated on the other end.

“I’M GONNA KILL THOSE FUCKERS!! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE, AGGIE!” You hear her scream into the phone before hanging up. You’re not sure if she’s referring to the hate-group, the police, or both.

August is next to call, about 15 minutes after Undyne. After hearing the situation, he also agrees to come over to your place. Although, he is nowhere near as enthusiastic as Undyne.

Undyne arrives about 30 minutes after hanging up on you. She doesn’t even knock on your door, she just barges in. 

“ALRIGHT, WHO DO I NEED TO FUCK UP?!” Spear already formed in her hand, face twisted into a scowl, she honestly looks terrifying. You make a quick mental note to never piss this woman off. 

“Relax, Undyne. There’s no need for…” Agatha holds up her hands in protest, only to be interrupted by Undyne.

“I’m not gonna relax! Not while you’re in danger! I’ve decided that you, ____, and August are being placed under the protection of the Royal Guard.”

“I thought you told me that the Royal Guard disbanded when…”

“Not anymore!” Undyne interrupts Agatha, again. “With this dangerous hate-group running around, the Guard is clearly needed once more. I've been out of work for long enough! It’s time for us to re-assemble! I’ll need to call up the dogs, 01 and 02, and I guess Papy can help as well…” Undyne trails off and you hear a car pull up outside. Looking out the window, you see August get out of his car. He stops when he sees Aggie’s car and just stares at it, eyes wide. You sigh, opening up the door for him and motioning for him to come in. 

August comes inside and goes right to Agatha’s side, grabbing her hand tightly. It’s quiet for a moment before you finally speak up. “Wait, Undyne. What do you mean when you say we’re going to be put under protection?”

“Well, until this hate-group dies out, I want you guys to have someone with you at all times. You know, to escort you places and keep an eye out for any trouble… No offense, but you humans are pretty weak. It doesn’t take much to hurt you. Heh, it’s funny. You guys have these amazingly strong souls inside pathetic, fragile bodies. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you guys stay safe.” She grins at you and rubs your back reassuringly. It doesn't do much to make you feel better...


	8. Crispy Meat and Potato Shavings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first day spent under the protection of the Royal Guard...

The doorbell rings at 7:00 A.M. sharp. You glance out the peephole and see Papyrus standing at your door, grinning enthusiastically. His red convertible is parked on the street, behind him. You notice a sleeping Sans in the passenger seat. You giggle and open up the door.

“GOOD MORNING HUMAN! I HAVE BEEN ENTRUSTED WITH THE IMPORTANT TASK OF ENSURING YOUR SAFETY. I, THE GREAT AND NOBLE PAPYRUS, HAVE BEEN GRANTED THIS RESPONSIBILITY BY UNDYNE FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE. UNFORTUNATELY, THE KING HAS REQUESTED ME TO ASSIST HIM TODAY AT THE ROYAL TEA SHOP, SO MY BROTHER SANS WILL BE TAKING MY PLACE AS YOUR PROTECTOR!”

You flinch a little at Papyrus’s volume. It’s a bit early to have shouting skeletons in your doorway. Papyrus turns around to see that Sans is fast asleep and drooling on his car’s upholstery. 

“SANS!! WAKE UP, YOU LAZYBONES! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PROTECT THE HUMAN FROM DANGER IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY NAPPING?”

Sans lazily stretches his arms and grins at his brother. “sorry, bro. sleeping just comes naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.” Papyrus looks exasperated.

“SANS!! WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” You cover your mouth, failing to suppress a giggle. Sans grins and winks at you.

You invite them in and prepare a simple breakfast for the three of you: bacon and hash browns. You watch, disgusted, as Sans dumps almost an entire bottle of ketchup onto his food. You make a mental note to pick up some more next time you go grocery shopping. 

“so what do ya have planned for the day?” Sans asks you as he shovels a heaping spoonful of ketchup into his mouth. You scrunch up your face in disgust. 

“Well I just have school this morning. I normally would have my internship today, but Dr. Kaeden won’t be there. He went to some conference over the weekend and he isn’t back yet. So I’m going tomorrow instead.” Sans just nods and returns to his pile of ketchup. 

The three of you share pleasant conversation while you finish your food. 

Papyrus tells you a story about how, when he was a sentry, he once rescued a dog from a small snowslide. The dog had been trying to build a ‘snowdog’. His creation fell over and disturbed the snow behind it, causing the dog to be buried in several feet of heavy snow. It had been trapped for almost an hour when Papyrus passed through and had heard a faint, desperate yipping sound coming from beneath the snow. 

Papyrus uncovered the dog and brought him home to the house the brothers shared in Snowdin. He fed the dog some spaghetti, wrapped him in warm blankets, and let him rest on his racecar bed. After the dog was feeling better, he sent him home with a bag of dog treats. Apparently, the dog had told all of his friends and family about how Papyrus had rescued him and treated him so kindly. So now, all of the dog monsters love Papyrus. Especially one cute, white, somewhat annoying dog. 

“THANK YOU FOR THE MEAL, HUMAN. IT WAS VERY KIND OF YOU TO COOK FOR US. THE CRISPY MEAT AND POTATO SHAVINGS WERE A TAD GREASY FOR MY TASTES… BUT MY BROTHER SEEMED TO TRULY ENJOY THEM, SO I THANK YOU NONETHELESS."

“Heh. You’re welcome. Sorry the food was too greasy.”

"IT IS QUITE ALRIGHT, HUMAN. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A CULINARY MASTER LIKE THE GREAT PAPYRUS! BEFORE I LEAVE, LET ME GIVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER. YOU CAN CALL ME IF SANS IS NEGLECTING HIS DUTIES OR… IF YOU MISS ME.” Papyrus smiles sweetly at you as you hand him your phone.

After he’s gone, you realize that he put his name in your phone in all capital letters with an exclamation point: “THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” For his contact photo, he took a selfie of him winking at the camera dramatically. You can’t help but burst out laughing. 

“hey, what’s so funny?” Sans looks over at you, trying to catch a glance what’s on your phone. 

“Your brother...” You grin at him and show him the ridiculous photo of Papyrus. 

“well i _wink_ that’s a pretty _great_ photo. don’t you?”

You snicker. “It is a nice photo, his smile is very genuine. It’s certainly not _phoney_.”

“and now you’ll see it every time you call him on his cell _bone._ ”

The two of you erupt into a fit of giggles. However, your laughing abruptly halts when you catch a glance at the clock. Suddenly you are filled with panic. You rush around the room in a flurry, grabbing everything you need for school.

“Oh my god, Sans. I’m going to be sooo late! Shit! Shit! Shit! If we leave now, I hopefully won’t be more than 20 minutes late… Oh god, I hope there isn’t a quiz today…” Sans barely stirs and seems apathetic towards your panicking. His lack of reaction just furthers your frustration. You grumble at him in annoyance.

“relax, kiddo. i know a shortcut.” Sans grins at you mischievously. 

“What are you talking about?”

Sans grabs you and pulls you into a hug. You’re a little shocked by how soft and warm he feels. It’s actually pretty nice… You inhale his scent and find it to be a pleasant musky smell with the faintest hints of ketchup and pine needles. 

“Uh… Sans? I don’t think now’s the time for…”

Sans cuts you off. His expression has turned serious. “close your eyes for me, okay? and whatever you do, don’t let go of me.”

“Um… okay? …what the!?” As you shut your eyes, you feel the floor suddenly drop out from under you. You feel like you’re falling from a great height. Your grip on Sans tightens into a desperate squeeze. You feel the urge to scream, but it’s over before you even have the chance. The ground beneath you is now solid, but you’re still scared to open your eyes. After a moment, you hear Sans chuckle.

“you can uh… let go of me now. we’re here.” You quickly release the skeleton from your arms. You can feel a blush creeping onto your cheeks. Looking around, disoriented, you take in the familiar scenery of your college’s library. 

“S-Sorry… How… Wh-What was that? Did you just… teleport us here?!”

Sans winks at you. “you better get to class. i’d hate to _burst your bubble_ but you had mentioned that there might be a _pop_ quiz.”

“But…” You begin to protest.

“just get to class. i don’t want you to be late... i promise i’ll explain later.” Sans gives you a stern look. You reluctantly accept the lack of explanation and sigh.

“What are you going to do while I’m gone?

“i’ll just hang out here. don’t worry about me.” Sans gives you a reassuring smile.

“Well… alright. Here, at least take my student I.D. You’ll need it to get on the computer or check out books.” You dig around in your purse until you find your I.D. The day they took your I.D. photo had been a humid one and your hair had been particularly unruly in protest of the moisture. You frown at the photo and hand it over to Sans. He stuffs it into the pocket of his hoodie. 

“thanks, kid. i’ll meet ya outside your class when it’s over.”

“Alright. Bye Sans.” 

There is a pop quiz. And you are not prepared at all. This last weekend, you were supposed to read the chapter about the 1980s for your history of psychology class. Instead you had been busy dealing with monster parties and hate groups. The pop quizzes in this class aren’t worth many points. They only have 3 questions. The 10 quizzes you have throughout the semester only make up 10% of your overall grade, so it isn’t the end of the world. But still, you always feel like crap when you do poorly on schoolwork. 

_“What year was the DSM III published?”_

Shit… you didn’t know this one. It wasn’t even multiple choice, so you just had to guess a random year. 1983? Yah. Sure. Why not?

_“Who proposed the Triarchic Theory of Intelligence in 1985?”_

The theory of what?! Fuck! You consider leaving this one blank but instead decide to put in the name of a random psychologist. Uh Carl Rogers? Heh. You know that’s incorrect, but whatever. 

_”In 1988, what important organization was formed?”_

Oh! this one you think you might know… The Association of Psychological Science was founded around that time… you think. So you put that down as your answer. 

You glance over your quiz. There’s only one answer that you feel even somewhat good about. Oh well. There’s nothing you can really do at this point. You reluctantly get up from your desk and walk over to hand in your quiz to the professor. You feel really shitty.

Your next class goes poorly as well. At the end of class, your writing professor hands back the draft of your final paper that you turned last week. You got a C-…

Oh. That paper had taken five hours to write. Ouch. In the margins, the professor simply wrote, “Conclusion is too vague.” What in the hell is that supposed to even mean?! You worked so hard on that paper… And the teacher just tore it to shreds with four little words.

You leave the classroom with tears beginning to well up in your eyes. 

Realizing that Sans wasn’t there yet, you sit on a bench in the hallway. You curl up into a ball and hide your face in your arms. Taking a few deep breaths, you try to soothe away your frustration. Usually you were such a good student. You were accustomed to getting A’s and B’s on everything. What the hell was the matter with you lately? 

You felt like you were slowly losing control of your life. Everything was slipping away from you. August was now spending all his time with Agatha, instead of you. You were happy for him, of course, but that doesn’t mean you don’t miss him like hell. There was now some hate group springing up in your city that was threatening to hurt you and your new friends. So now, because of these assholes, you had to be escorted everywhere like a child. Your father was never around anymore; you had no idea why. And now, on top of everything else, your grades were slipping. How much stress and bullshit is one 22 year old supposed to be able to handle?! 

“ya alright there, kiddo?” You jolt your head up, startled. Sans is looking down at you with concern. You do your best to smile, nod at him, and give an affirmative hum. He gives you a skeptical look and you’re not sure that he’s buying it, but he changes the subject anyway. “sorry i’m a little late. i got so engrossed in this book that i lost track of time…” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve only been waiting for maybe 10 minutes. It’s not a big deal.” Truthfully, you were glad he was a little late. It gave you some time to calm down after class. 

“lemme buy us some lunch to make up for it.” 

“Oh no… You really don’t have to do that.”

“nonsense. i know this really great place. the owner is an old friend of mine. i have a feeling you’ll love it.” Sans grins at you and offers you his hand to help pull you up off the bench.

“Uh is this place close by?” You didn’t have your car with you. So, unless this place was near the campus, Sans must be planning on…

“don’t worry about that. i know a shortcut.”


	9. Hamburgers from the Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Sans have lunch at Grillby's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all of the comments and support so far! I really appreciate it :)

Sans has decided to take you to a warmly lit bar called “Grillby’s II”. As you walk through the door you quickly realize that you are the only human there. The place is packed with a variety of monsters. Most of them seem to recognize Sans and greet him as he enters. 

Looking towards the back of the bar, you catch a glimpse of the bartender. You’re surprised to see that he’s made entirely out of fire! You are taken aback by his ethereal beauty. He’s well dressed, wearing a suit vest and tie. You’re curious how his clothes don’t catch fire. 

You both meander around the bar for a moment, deciding where to sit. As you’re making your way, somehow you catch the attention of a rabbit woman. She turns around, looking at Sans with wide eyes and a somewhat predatory smile.

“aw fuck…” Sans curses under his breath. The bunny clumsily hops up from her seat to give Sans a gigantic, lingering hug. She seems like she might be a little drunk. His face glows bright blue as he unsuccessfully tries to push her away.

“Heya Sansyyy… It’s soo good to see you. Mmmm… You smell nice today…” The bunny closes her eyes and inhales deeply. Poor Sans looks incredibly uncomfortable. “Your outfit looks great today, Sansy. But I bet it would look even better on my floor…” The bunny winks and kisses Sans on his cheek as he whines in protest. 

“hey bun… can you not? we’ve talked about this…” 

She opens her eyes and looks over Sans’s shoulder, noticing your presence. “Oh? Who’s this? You trying to make me jealous, bone boy?” The bunny finally releases Sans from her arms and glares at you. 

“uh… this is ____. she’s a friend of mine. we were just stopping by for lunch…” Sans backs away from the bunny, grimacing. She frowns, glaring at you. 

“Hmmph. I see how it is, then. Well have fun with your new _friend_ … I never knew you had a thing for humans, ya freak…” She grumbles something inaudible before returning to her seat. You watch as she huffs and takes a giant gulp of whatever it is that she’s drinking. Sans looks mortified. He refuses to meet your gaze.

You wait until she is out of earshot before bursting out laughing. 

“Oh my god! What the hell was that?!” 

Sans shyly gives you an embarrassed smile, his face still flushed blue. “that would be bun… when we were in the underground, i uh… got drunk once and made the mistake of taking her home with me… but nothing happened, i swear! she just threw up on my couch and passed out.” 

Sans sighs with frustration. “then, to make it worse, papyrus found her the next morning. do you have any idea how hard it is to explain that sort of thing to my brother? i had to make up some crap about bunny flu, which luckily he seemed to believe.”

“Bunny flu? really _Sansyyy?_ ” You do your best to mimic the bunny’s voice, giggling.

“uhg. shut up.” Sans glares at you, pausing for a moment before his smile returns. “at least she finally _lettuce_ be. i was _hared_ that she would never go away.” 

“Honestly, your reaction was so hyst- _hare_ -ical, I wouldn’t _carrot_ all if she was still here.”

The two of you giggle as you seat yourselves at a booth close to the bar. 

“So are you finally going to explain the whole ‘shortcut’ thing to me?” 

“magic.” Sans snaps his fingers dramatically at you, with a lazy grin. 

“That’s a terrible explanation…” 

Sans listlessly shrugs at you. “heh. i know. it’s just not an easy thing to explain…” Sans lazily leans back into the booth, apparently pleased with his non-explanation. 

“Can you at least try?” You’re beginning to get a little annoyed with the skeleton man’s apathetic attitude.

Sans sighs, frowning. His brow furrows slightly as his expression becomes more serious. “alright… so try and imagine a place that exists both nowhere and everywhere at once... a place that is always present and also never present. a place that isn’t bound by the constraints of time and space.”

“Uh… okay? Sounds kinda science fiction-y.”

He laughs. “yah, i suppose it does. well anyways, i have access to a place like that. i can enter it at one location and instantaneously exit out into another. you had it right earlier, it’s pretty much like teleporting.” You pause, taking in this new information. 

You knew that monsters could use magic. One of Dr. Kaeden’s patients had complained about their struggle controlling their magic when they got angry. You think you recall it being fire magic. But teleporting? You had no idea that monsters could do that! _What other kinds of magic were there?!_ You wondered at the possibilities. 

“Can other monsters teleport, too?” You ask, excitedly. 

“i’m the only one that I know of…” He smiles at you as you look at him with awe.

After a few moments of silence, the bartender comes by your booth. He silently places a glass of some flaming purple liquid in front of you and a bottle of ketchup in front of Sans. 

“thanks grillbz. we’ll have two orders of the usual, today.”

Grillby nods serenely at Sans before walking away. It’s difficult to read his expression, but you think you see a smile on his face. Once he’s gone, you look at down at the purple concoction in front of you, bewildered. 

“heh. want me to taste that for ya?” 

You nod and Sans reaches out to grab the drink. He takes a tiny sip and smiles. “it’s grape flavored. non-alcoholic. don’t worry about the flames, they’re just for decoration. the drink is actually pretty cold.”

You stare at the drink, astonished. Cautiously, you edge your hand toward the flames lapping at the sides of the glass. You’re met with an icy, tingly sensation.  
You bring the drink up to your lips and take a careful sip. The taste is tart and refreshing. As the liquid runs down your throat, your entire body is filled with humming magic. You involuntarily let out a moan as pleasant chills run through your body. 

Sans looks at you with a cocked eyebrow, or what would be a cocked eyebrow if he had eyebrows to cock. You feel your cheeks flush hot with embarrassment. You take a gulp of the drink, hoping that it will cool your face down. It doesn’t work. Sans smirks at you.

“Uh… so do you know what days Papyrus is working?” You hope to shift the attention away from you.

“he works most weekdays, so I’ll be looking after ya during the week. i guess that leaves the weekends for me to work with alphys. i hope she’ll be okay with that…” 

“Wait, you work for Alphys?” 

“well technically i work for the university.” Sans grins at you and pulls a faculty I.D. badge out from under his shirt. It reads: _Sans Serif, PhD. Assistant Researcher._ You look at him, confused. Sans has a Phd?! 

He chuckles and pulls your student I.D. out from his hoodie pocket. “heh. you can have this back. i don’t really need it.”

“Wait… then why did you take it from me?” 

Sans looks down at the I.D., spinning it around with his fingers. “eh... you seemed pretty determined to give it to me and i was too lazy to argue with ya. besides, your hair looks all fluffy and wild in this picture. i kinda like it.” He grins at you mischievously, as if he knows all about your insecurities. 

You grumble at him, slightly embarrassed. “Uhg. Give it back…” Sans flicks the I.D. across the table, sending it spinning over to you. He grins at you and chugs his bottle of ketchup, quickly emptying it. The sight makes your stomach churn. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to the ketchup thing. 

“So what are you guys researching?”

“souls.” 

Before you can ask him anything more, Grillby returns with two hamburgers and a large basket of fries. He also places another bottle of ketchup on the table. Grillby just smiles at you knowingly when he sees your disapproval. You think you hear a small crackle of laughter from him as he walks away.

Sans wastes no time at all. He grabs the bottle and proceeds to dump half of it on his burger. This must have been foreseen by Grillby because he brought Sans a fork and knife to eat with. Luckily for you, Sans is polite enough to spare the communal basket of fries. He scoops half of them onto his plate and drowns them with ketchup, there, instead. 

“What do you mean, souls? Like religion?” You pop a fry into your mouth. It’s so good you almost moan again. Thankfully, you’re able to control yourself. Like the drink, it tingles with magic. You could definitely get used to this food...

“religion? what the heck are you talking about?” He look at you, genuinely confused. 

“Well… the concept of the soul is usually a religious one…” 

“concept? souls ain’t just a concept, kiddo… they’re as real as you or me.”

“Wait, you mean they actually exist?” Your eyes widen at the thought. Sans smiles, amused by your reaction.

“yah. heh. sometimes i forget that humans can’t sense souls like monsters do.”

“Wait… you can sense my soul?” You look at Sans, stunned. “What is it like?”

“it’s… well it’s…” Sans pauses, scratching his head and looking slightly flustered. He sighs. “you see, monster souls and human souls are different. monster souls all look pretty similar. they’re all white, upside down, and heart- shaped. they can give off different colored light, sometimes, but fundamentally they’re all the same.” 

He pauses again, glancing at you, before continuing. “humans, on the other hand, have colorful souls that are right-side up. they can come in 7 different colors, each with a different meaning. the souls color reflects the human’s most dominant trait.”

“Oh cool! What color is my soul?” 

“it’s a deep blue-green. the green comes from your kindness, and the blue is your integrity… it’s a very nice soul. it’s unusual for it to have two different tones like that…” Sans pauses and spears a bite of hamburger with his fork before shoving it in his mouth.

You feel awkward, not really knowing what to say when someone compliments your soul. “Uh thanks… Is there any way I can see it? I’m really curious what it looks like.”

“can’t help ya there, kid. to show you your soul, i’d either have to fight ya or… uh…” His face turns a deep shade of blue. “let’s just say i’m not gonna do that…” 

Before you have a chance to respond, you hear Sans’s phone going off. “…shit. paps, what do you want?!”

“hang on a sec, ____. i gotta take this.” Sans stands up and walks out of the noisy bar. While you wait for him to return, you finish eating the rest of your food. You look around the busy pub. A few dog monsters are giving you curious glances, whispering amongst themselves. Bun has passed out at her table, head resting in her arms. Grillby is behind the bar, calmly filling some mugs with beer from a tap. You smile, deciding that you like this place. You wonder if August would ever come here with you…

Sans reenters, the front door swinging closed shut behind him. He makes his way back over to you. 

“so do ya feel like giving paps that cooking lesson tonight? he’s invited you over for dinner. i managed to convince him that it’s proper manners to let the guest choose what we have.” Sans sits himself back down on the seat across from you, grinning. 

“Yah, I’d love to! I know just the dish! You're gonna love it...”


	10. Chicken Marsala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You eat dinner with Sans and Papyrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope everyone is having a great Summer! (If you live in the Northern Hemisphere anyways...)
> 
> Sorry this took so long. I was having a hell of a time with this chapter for some reason. I'm still not entirely happy with it but whatever.... I needed to post something because it's been over a week. Also, I'm super anxious to start writing the plot that I've been planning. 
> 
> Hope you all like it! Thanks, as always, for your support and/or feedback! :)

After you left Grillby’s, you and Sans walked to his and Papyrus’s apartment. He had offered to ‘shortcut’ you there, but you didn’t feel like that was such a great idea right after eating.

The apartment complex was a pretty large one. It seemed nice enough. There was a dozen or so buildings encircling a community pool and flower garden. There were a few children splashing and playing in the pool, making lots of noise. You recognized one of them from the elementary school. 

“Hey ____! Hey Sans!” The little dog girl waved at the two of you excitedly.

“Hey Brianna! How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing great! I’ll probably be coming in to see Dr. Kaeden again soon… Hopefully I’ll see you there! This is my friend Justin, by the way. We’re playing sea dragons!” The dog girl is wielding a dragon-shaped water gun. 

A small boy peeks out from behind Brianna, carrying his own dragon squirt gun. He smiles and waves at you, shyly. You nod at him and smile back. “It’s nice to meet you, Justin.”

Before the little boy can respond, Brianna giggles and dunks Justin’s head blow the water. After coming up and catching his breath, he sprays her with his gun and quickly bounces to the other side of the pool. Brianna waves goodbye to the two of you before chasing after him.

You and Sans walk toward a modern-looking white and grey apartment building with pink trim. _MTT Tower_ adorns the top of the building in flowery, bold letters. You weren’t surprised that the building looked brand new. After the monsters arrived in Morrison, the town erupted with new housing developments to accommodate them. 

When the monsters first appeared, the federal government had absolutely no idea what to do with them. Large grants were almost immediately issued to real estate developers to build housing for the monsters. Morrison’s existing infrastructure was not capable of housing the thousands of new residents. A slew of brand new apartments and houses sprung up almost overnight. This was a temporary fix, however. The long-term integration of monsters into society was still very much up in the air. Some of the more audacious monsters have started moving away from Morrison and settling into other parts of the state, and even the country. Not everyone is happy about this.

The main floor of the apartment reminds you of a nice hotel. To the left, there’s a sitting area with a few couches and a softly trickling fountain. To the right is an elevator and a door for the stairs. A cat-monster wearing a black security uniform is sitting behind the front desk, feet propped up and smoking a cigarette. You follow Sans’s lead as he walks up to greet him.

“heh. you know you’re not supposed to be smoking in here. mettaton would _blow a circuit._ ” Sans chuckles and winks at the cat-monster

“Eh whatever. Fuck that guy.” He replies, taking a long drag from his cigarette. “And besides, I bet your brother has already _blown some of his circuits…_ ” He grins at Sans mischievously. Sans scowls at him, expression softening as he turns over to you.

“____, this is my buddy, bradley.” 

“Nice to meet you, Bradley.” You smile politely and reach over to shake his hand. Bradley’s relaxed, confident expression shifts to a panicked one when you extend your hand out to his. You pause when you notice his ears flatten and his whiskers twitch slightly. It reminds you of how Chewie behaves on a car ride to the vet. You’re a little worried he might hiss at you… Is that racist? 

His hand is cold and sweaty and his handshake’s weak. He stares at you with wide eyes, pupils dilated. “Uh n-nice to meet you t-too…” He looks down to the ground, face growing pink. You feel bad for the poor guy. 

“Sorry, did I do something wrong?” You question, Bradley‘s face just getting redder. He brings his paws up to his face, trying to hide his blush. You look over at Sans, perplexed. Sans just grins, smugly. 

“don’t worry kid, you did nothing wrong. bradley, here, is a nervous wreck around women.”

“Shut up!! No I’m not!” Bradley looks up at Sans, pleadingly. Sans shrugs at him, an evil grin spreading across his face.

“once, when we were in the underground, he tried to flirt with these girls. heh. he fucked it up so badly that everyone started calling him burg…” 

“SAANSS!” Bradley squeals, interrupting Sans. “Stop, please! Anything but that story!” 

“alright. i’ll stop…” Relief quickly spreads across Bradley’s face. “anyways, i have something for ya.” Sans reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. Bradley immediately perks up.

“What is it?” 

“it’s from grillbz. he wants you to stay the fuck away from fuku.” Bradley’s eyes goes wide and his ears start to flatten again before Sans bursts out laughing. 

“heh. you’re too easy to mess with kiddo. it’s just an invitation to fuku’s high school graduation party.” 

“Fuku invited _me!?_ ” Bradley’s eyes light up and he eagerly grabs the invitation from Sans. “She’s so pretty…. and popular… why would she invite a weirdo like me?”

Sans chuckles and shakes his head. “no idea. who knows. maybe she feels a _spark._ ” Bradley groans and rolls his eyes.

“before we go, i need to ask. you up for poker night on friday? paps needs to know how many to cook for.” 

"I’ll be there… Wait, is it going to be spaghetti, again?”

“you know it!” Sans replies with faux enthusiasm. “Uhg. I’ll see you on Friday.” You hear Bradley grumble something to himself as you and Sans begin walking towards the elevators. Once inside, Sans presses the button for the top floor. The doors click together as they close shut. Thank god Auggie wasn’t here, he would be freaking the fuck out. 

You feel the sensation of being weighed down as the elevator rumbles to life. The whirring slows to a halt and the elevator doors open up to a short hallway. There are two doors. There’s a large double door straight ahead of you, and another door labeled _stairs_ to your right. 

Sans walks over to the set of double doors and unlocks them. He opens the doors and ushers you inside. 

“ya want a tour?” You nod at him and he begins showing you around.

The apartment is bigger than you were expecting it to be. There are two floors. The bottom floor has an open-concept layout. The living room feels cozy and welcoming. A tattered green couch sits in front of a massive television, surrounded by a couple of leather recliners. A few bookshelves line the walls. Looking more closely you find a mixture of physics textbooks, joke books, children’s stories, and car magazines. 

A large counter island, that serves as a dining room table as well, separates the living room from the kitchen. The kitchen itself is very nice. It is equipped with brand new, stainless steel appliances. The counters are made from polished marble. Dark stained cabinets line the walls. A framed painting of a plate of spaghetti, signed _The Great Papyrus_ hangs near the window.

The top floor is comprised of 2 bedrooms, an office and a bathroom. The first bedroom you pass has a variety of stickers and signage plastered on it. The other bedroom has flames lapping at the bottom of the door. You raise an eyebrow as you feel a tingle of magic emanating from the room. You look at Sans questioningly and he gives you a sheepish grin. After quickly showing you the rather plain-looking office and the location of the bathroom, he leads you back downstairs and invites you to sit down on the couch with him.

“so you wanna watch tv or something?”

“Yah that’s fine. When is Papyrus gonna be home? I still need to take him grocery shopping.”

“at 5:00.” Sans lazily sinks into the couch, resting his arm along the back. You look at the time on your phone, it’s only 1:30. Great.

Sans grabs the remote from the coffee table and flips on the TV. You jump a little at the sudden cacophony. Mettaton’s face fills the screen, dramatic music blaring. “Hellooo beauties! It’s me, your favorite robot, live from…” Sans cusses, fumbling desperately with the remote. You try your best not to laugh. “…Denver, Colorado! We’re here today with the fabulous reality TV star, Jessi…” After a bit more grumbling and cursing, Sans finally snaps the TV back off. He gives you an embarrassed smile and hands you the remote.

“uh… how about you pick something?” 

You spend a good 15 minutes flipping through channels. It’s mostly garbage. You hardly ever watch TV. You’d much rather read a book or browse the web. Finally, you decide on the Travel Channel. They’re having a Ghost Adventures marathon this afternoon. Eh. Zak Bagans is pretty cute, so why not? Sans doesn’t protest at your choice so you settle into the couch, getting comfortable. 

Hours pass. Absentmindedly watching the TV, you find yourself getting drowsy. The Ghost Adventures crew is setting up some special cameras or something. One of the tech experts explains what the cameras do as Zak tightly crosses his arms over his chest, showing off his biceps. You swear he does that on purpose. You can’t believe you’ve been watching this nonsense all afternoon.

Suddenly, Papyrus is in front of the TV, shutting it off. He grins at you and you notice the blanket in his arms.

“When did you get…?” You croak out, a little confused.

He pulls a finger up to his teeth, quieting you. Noticing your bewildered expression, he motions over towards the other end of the couch. You glace over and find Sans sound asleep, tightly spooning a throw pillow. The intensity of his ever-present grin has softened, and he looks peaceful. You watch, enthralled, as his chest gently rises and falls. _Where does the air go?_ A soft snoring sound escapes his mouth occasionally. You find yourself grinning like an idiot at the sheer adorableness. This only worsens as Papyrus unfolds the blanket and gently tucks it around his brother, giving him a quick kiss on the forehead. Sans grumbles a little and rolls over, facing the back of the couch. Suddenly your sleepy brain urges you to cuddle up next to the little skeleton and nap with him. Wait, what the hell?! 

Before you have the chance to process the sheer inappropriateness of that thought, Papyrus comes back over to you and offers you his hand, helping you get up. Not letting go of your hand, he leads you into the kitchen. Once there, you awkwardly pull away from him. Papyrus seems entirely unfazed.

“So you’re just going to let him sleep?” 

“Yes… My brother has not been sleeping well lately. He does not think that I notice… but I do.” Papyrus’s voice is much softer than you’ve ever heard it. He looks over towards the living room, frowning. “I really wish he would talk to me.”

“I’m sorry Pappy.” His expression immediately returns to his usual goofy grin. 

“ARE WE GIVING EACHOTHER NICKNAMES NOW, HUMAN? WOWIE! OUR FRIENDSHIP IS FLOURISHING! YOU MUST THINK I AM REALLY GREAT! BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVEN’T COME UP WITH A NICKNAME FOR YOU YET… BUT DO NOT FEAR! I WILL HAVE ONE FOR YOU SOON! NYEH HEH HEH!” You can’t help but giggle at Papyrus’s sudden change in tone. His enthusiasm is infectious. You’re a little worried that the noise will wake Sans, but he doesn’t stir. You conclude that he’s probably used to this.

“I can’t wait to find out what you pick, Pappy!” You grin at him. You pull out your phone and open up the recipe that you bookmarked earlier. You hand the phone to Papyrus. “Here. This is the recipe that I wanted to make for dinner.”

Papyrus grabs your phone and studies the recipe carefully.

“I SUPPOSE THAT THIS WINE-SOAKED BIRD RECIPE IS SATISFACTORY, HUMAN. LET US TRAVEL TO THE NUTRIMENT SHOP!”

The trip to the grocery store is fairly uneventful. Papyrus received a few lingering stares, but you figure that’s to be expected. It’s not every day that you see a 7-foot tall, flamboyantly dressed skeleton man pushing around a shopping cart. You’d probably stare too.

When you return to the apartment, Sans is awake. He’s sitting at the kitchen island, leisurely sipping a mug of coffee. Papyrus drops all of the groceries down in front of him. A box of linguine falls out of one of the bags and Sans gives you a look of horror. 

“uh… what are we having?’ 

“THE HUMAN IS PREPARING BIRD PASTA FOR US, SANS. WOULD YOU MIND GOING BACK INTO THE LIVING ROOM, BROTHER? WE NEED THE COUNTER SPACE.”

“eh… bird pasta?” Sans glances at you, quizzically.

You laugh. “Yah I guess you could call it that… We’re having chicken marsala. Now shoo. We’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

“fine… i guess i’ll go read. you two better not burn down the apartment…” Sans tips his mug back, slurping down the last of his coffee. He slowly gets up and patters into the living room.

You find that Papyrus is surprisingly receptive to your cooking instruction. Other than a few instances of him turning the burner all the way up while you’re not looking, things go pretty well. Before you know it, the chicken and mushrooms are ready to go. They smell delightful, simmering in the rich wine sauce. All that’s left is boiling the pasta, which you decide to let Papyrus handle. 

You watch as he enthusiastically shakes the box of pasta out into the raging pot of water. He dramatically seasons the water with a pinch of salt and a splash of olive oil.

“So how come you like pasta so much?” You ask him, trying to make conversation.

“PASTA IS THE PERFECT FOOD, HUMAN. ESPECIALLY SPAGHETTI. HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE WHO DISLIKES SPAGHETTI?” Poor Papyrus had no idea about his brother’s aversion to spaghettti… You pause, unsure what to say. Apparently you’ve taken to long, so Papyrus answers his question for you. “NYEH! OF COURSE YOU HAVEN’T! IT IS SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DISLIKE!”

“Heh. I guess you’re right, Pappy. Spaghetti is the best!” You do your best to feign enthusiasm. Papyrus winks at you and gives you a big thumbs up.

You search around for napkins and silverware to set the table with while Papyrus plates the food. The kitchen is a little disorganized so it takes you a while. There are several nonsense-filled drawers that make you question your sanity. There’s a drawer completely filled with bones. You write this off as being a skeleton thing. But a drawer filled with socks? In the kitchen? What the hell?!

Eventually, you find the silverware drawer and grab everyone a fork, spoon, and knife. The napkins are hiding in the pantry behind an army of ketchup bottles. You set three places at the counter/table before taking a seat. Papyrus sets out the three plates of pasta. The smell has you salivating. 

“BROTHER, DINNER IS READY!” Papyrus calls out into the living room cheerily.

“ok.” Sans glances over from the living room before returning his attention to his book.

“IT’S WAITING ON THE TABLE.”

“ok.” He doesn’t even look over this time. Papyrus huffs in frustration as Sans turns the page of his novel. 

“WE’RE EATING!” Papyrus dramatically sits down next to you, making as much noise as possible. 

“ok.” 

“COME IN HERE ALREADY! YOU’RE BEING RUDE TO OUR GUEST.”

“ok.” Papyrus is fuming. After a long moment, Sans shuts his book closed. He slowly rises from his spot on the couch and saunters into the kitchen. “sorry bro. i was just takin’ my _thyme._ ”

“SANS! DON’T YOU DARE.”

“sorry bro. i’ll admit that joke was a little _cheesy…_ ”

“Yah Sans, that wasn’t _grate._ ” Sans grins at you, delighted. 

“NOT YOU TOO, HUMAN!” 

“heh. you know you love it, bro.” 

“I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT. YOUR JOKES ARE _PASTABLY_ THE WORST!! NYEH HEH HEH!” 

Once Sans is seated, the three of you tear into your food. Papyrus cuts his chicken into tiny pieces. You watch him as he carefully prepares a bite. He delicately twirls a couple of noodles onto his fork, then spears a single mushroom and bit of chicken. Finally, he dips the fork into the sauce and gently eases the food into his mouth. Such a gentleman. 

Sans, on the other hand, has almost finished his entire plate. You watch, slightly horrified, as he shovels food into his mouth at a disgusting pace. He notices you gawking at him when he breaks for a gulp of ketchup. His cheeks flush slightly when he meets your disapproving gaze. He slows down his eating considerably after that. 

“So what do you guys think of the chicken?” 

“THE BIRD PASTA IS WONDERFUL. I CAN’T WAIT TO TRY MORE OF YOUR RECIPES!” Papyrus gives you an appreciative smile. 

“heh. what does a clock do when it is hungry?” Sans asks you, grinning. 

“Uh… what?” 

“it goes back _four seconds._ ” Sans winks at you and gets up to go get more food. 

After dinner, you say goodbye to Sans. Papyrus insists on driving you home. 

Upon arrival, Papyrus walks you to your door and wraps you in a rib-crushing hug. “SEE YOU BRIGHT AND EARLY TOMORROW, ____! SLEEP WELL!” You watch him trot back into his car. He gives you a cheery wave and takes off down the street, out of sight. 

That night you dream about Bradley riding a sea monster across the ocean, hissing at the water splashing him. His whiskers are noodles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, I have a Tumblr now! I'm still learning how to use the site and I mostly just post Undertale crap/ Sans. 
> 
> Link for those interested: http://bushkawocky.tumblr.com/
> 
> Don't be shy, guys! Come say hi to me sometime! :D
> 
> See ya next time!


	11. Spring Rolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You pack for the capital and eat lunch with August.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing.

You happily cross off the final item on your list. Packing is the absolute worst, but the most painful part is now over. 

You’ve laid everything you need out on your bed, in somewhat organized piles. Now it’s just a matter of fitting it all into your suitcase. 

You grab a burgundy blouse, fold it neatly, and place it in the corner of the empty suitcase. Next, you do the same with a pair of gray dress pants. Then… a burgundy blouse? Huh? You look down at the suitcase and find only the dress pants sitting inside.

“What the hell? Sans!?” 

Irritated, you turn over to your desk. Sans looks up from his phone, giving you an innocent look.

“somethin’ the matter, pal?”

Grumbling, you return to your task. You fold up the blouse once more. When you go to place it, you find the pants are now missing as well. You slam the blouse back inside the suitcase and stand up to face Sans. Attention no longer on his phone, he’s watching you with an amused grin. His left eye-socket glows blue as he lazily flicks his wrist. 

There’s a blur of burgundy fabric before your vision goes dark. The fucking shirt is now on your head. You can hear Sans snickering.

You take a deep breath before plucking the blouse off of you. When Sans first showed you his telekinetic magic, you thought it was the most impressive thing you’ve ever seen. Now, only a week and a half later, it’s really starting to get on your nerves. As far as you can tell, Sans only uses it to be even more annoying or lazy than he already is. 

“You _really_ don’t need to be in here while I pack, you know.” You fold the blouse a third time and stuff it into the suitcase with a huff.

“i’m supposed to be watchin’ ya. undyne’s orders.” Sans shrugs, his signature lazy grin plastered across his face.

“I don’t think there’s any racists hiding in my room.”

“i dunno about that… this room has many secrets.” Sans winks at you and suddenly disappears from your desk. Confused, you spin around, looking for him. “i mean… you even have a _skeleton in your closet_.” It takes you a moment before you notice the little grinning skull hiding between a couple of shirt hangers.

“Sans, that was terrible. You’re terrible. Get out.” You’re doing your best to fight back a smile.

“ah c’mon. i’ve been savin’ that one. don’t _leave me hanging,_ here.” You can’t help but giggle at the dorky little skeleton.

“heh. why did the photon only need one suitcase?” Sans asks as he steps out from behind your clothes and patters back over to your desk chair. 

“Why?”

“he’s travelling light!” He sits down and beams at you, smile growing brighter at your laughter. 

“Okay, that was pretty good. But could you please let me finish packing in peace. I’m supposed to go have lunch with August soon.” 

“you mean _we’re_ supposed to have lunch with august. and eh… i’ll take care of it.” Sans’s eye glows blue once more. You turn and watch as each article of clothing is lifted from your bed, and folded mid-air. One by one, they float down, piling neatly in your suitcase. Your make-up, toiletries, and shoes follow soon after. Finally, everything is squeezed down tightly. The top of the suitcase shuts easily, with a click. 

“Uh… Thanks, Sans.” He just smiles at you languidly, before returning his attention to his Neko Atsume cats. 

You plop down on your bed, resting your eyes for a bit.

The skeleton brothers have been a part of your daily life for almost two weeks now. It’s been both wonderful and annoying at the same time. While you enjoy their company, it’s become a little intrusive. A few days ago you had gone to take a shower, leaving Sans and Papyrus alone in your room. When you returned, they were flinging materialized bones at each other, using a couple of your dirty bras as slingshots… Sans, of course, had found your favorite lacy black bra. When you got angry with them, they apologized and told you that they had no idea what the bras were. While you fully believed Papyrus, you had serious doubts about Sans’s innocence. After that, you made sure not to leave any laundry laying around. 

You were leaving for Washington D.C. tonight. Which meant an entire week away from everything. No school, no Chewie, no dad, no skelebros, no windshield vandals. Nothing but babysitting Frisk and maybe doing some sight-seeing. You’d never been to the capital before and were determined to go exploring with Frisk in tow.  
Wanting to see you before you left for your trip, August had offered to take you to lunch today at his favorite Pho restaurant. 

Before long, you were stirred from your thoughts by the gentle buzz of your phone. You open your eyes and reach for it. There's a new text message.

“Auggie <3” 11:47 A.M.

_Me and the guards are leaving now. See ya soon!_

Despite Sans’s complaints, you had insisted on driving there in your car. When you arrived, August was standing outside the restaurant waiting for you. You run right up to him and give him a huge, smothering hug. Standing behind him are two large, imposing, monsters. One was a large rabbit man, the other resembled a green dragon. They’re tightly holding hands and leaning into each other slightly. You assume that this must be RG 01 and RG 02. 

Earlier on the phone, it had taken August about 10 minutes to convince you that, yes, those were really their names. According to August, they were both orphans who were taken in by Asgore. The king had them trained from an early age to become royal guardsmen. Being famously terrible with names, he decided to name them RG 01 and RG 02.

“Hey Sans! What’s up, bro? I haven’t seen you in, like, forever. How’s the research going?” The rabbit man saunters over to Sans, giving him a fist bump.

“hey 01… it’s been going alright. we still haven’t learned very much, though.” 

“Bummer, man! I know you and the lizard lady have been workin’ hard! Keep at it, dude!” 

“heh. thanks.”

“Hey you guys don’t mind if ____ and I eat by ourselves, do you? There’s some stuff I want to talk to her about… privately.” August asks somewhat sheepishly. 

“Yah, dude. 02 and I would love a chance to catch up with Sans, here.” The rabbit man casually puts an arm around Sans. Sans looks slightly uncomfortable with the physical contact, but accepts it, giving the guards a somewhat forced smile. 

August smiles and nods, signaling the three monsters to leave. 01 enthusiastically grabs 02’s hand and leads him over towards a table on the other side of the restaurant. Sans sighs and eventually turns to go sit with the guards, his expression unreadable. 

“Now that we’re alone…” August gives you a weak smile and pulls his phone out. He taps and swipes a few times before handing it over to you.

You stare blankly at the screen, trying to decipher what you’re looking at. It’s a screenshot of a series of messages between August and Agatha. Scrolling down quickly, you see several picture messages. You nope the heck out of there. 

“August, what the hell?! I’m not reading your and Agatha’s sexts.” You flick the phone back over towards him. “Reeaallly not in the mood to see your junk, today. Besides, Agatha would be pissed if she knew you were showing me this.” 

“When _would_ you be in the mood to see my junk?” August wiggles his eyebrows at you jokingly. You groan and kick his shin under the table. He yelps in pain. Oops, maybe that was a little too hard. “You didn’t even read them. They’re not sexts.” He grumbles, rubbing his leg.

“Uhg fine. Let me see.”

You scroll through the messages. They all seem pretty normal. August was asking her if she wanted to come over and watch some movies. She agreed and then they had a short discussion about which movies she should bring. Agatha sent a few pictures of her DVD collection. Bellow that, the messages must be from after the movie date. They’re talking about getting ready for bed… and finally… Oh. The last message. 

_Night, love you!_

“Awww, Auggie!! That’s so cute! What did you say?” 

“Uh…” August visibly cringes at your words. You might be imagining it, but he looks paler than normal. He didn’t even complain about the nickname.

“You _did_ reply, right?”

“Um…” Yep, definitely paler.

The waitress chooses this moment to come by. She places two glasses of ice water in front of you before taking your order. You decide you want some spring rolls as an appetizer and a small bowl of the Pho with rare steak and well-done brisket. August mumbles to the waitress that he’ll have the same thing. The moment she’s out of earshot, you nearly explode.

“August! What the fuck?! When did she send you this?” You immediately regret the harshness in your voice as your reaction sends August into a panic.

“It was last night. I freaked out, ____! I mean it’s only been a little over a month. What if she didn’t mean it? What if I replied and it freaked her out? I mean, she can’t possibly know what she’s saying. She has no idea just how utterly fucked in the head I am. I’m so scared, ____!! She’s gonna hurt me, I just know it. This is what happens when I let people get close! I don’t know what to do… Oh god! What is the matter with me?! I should have just replied! Shit! I’m going to lose her, now. She’s going to think…”

Sensing that August is on the verge of a public meltdown, you try to make your voice as calm and reassuring as possible. 

“Woah, woah, woah. You’re not going to lose her. We’re going to solve this problem, together. Just take some deep breaths and we’ll work through this.” You grab his hand. It’s shaking pretty badly. He squeezes your hand and tries his best to slow his breathing. 

“…okay.” August loosens his grip on you and gives you a feeble smile.

“Now what time did she send this?” 

August glances down at his phone, hand still trembling. “…1:36 this morning.”

“Can’t you just tell her you fell asleep?”

“No… The last message I sent her was at 1:33. It would be too suspicious.”

You sigh. “Alright… you’re going to need to talk to her and tell her the truth. She’s a nice girl. I’m sure she’ll understand. Maybe you should invite her out tonight.” 

“What the hell am I supposed to tell her? ‘I couldn’t reply to your message because I’m an insane freak’? Fuck… this was supposed to be a happy moment for us, and I’ve ruined it...”

“No you haven’t. If anything this is Agatha’s fault for telling you that she loves you over text...” 

“Yah… it would be _sooo_ much better if I had freaked out on her in person.” 

Chuckling, you shake your head. “Just talk to her about it… Seriously. Everything will be fine.” You do your best to give him a reassuring smile. He squeezes your hand and sips his ice water. 

“I really hope you’re right, ____.”

A few moments later, the waitress returns with your spring rolls. August perks up almost immediately. Releasing your hand, he grabs the bottle of Sriracha with a mischievous grin. Oh no. Not this stupid crap again.

“So just how spicy do you want this shit?” August gestures at the dish of dipping sauce that came with the rolls. 

“Spicier than you’d be able to handle…” You decide to play along. Maybe it will cheer him up…

“Is that a challenge?”

“No, it’s a fact. I am _the master,_ after all.” You giggle. 

“Oh, it’s on!” August proceeds to squirt Sriracha into the little dish, completely overwhelming the delicate peanut sauce. He stirs it with one of his chopsticks. He winces slightly when pops the chopstick into his mouth, causing you to giggle.

Your laughter only encourages him more. He takes one of the spring rolls and coats it with a hearty layer of sauce. He makes it even worse by adding an additional drizzle of Sriracha. He tries to play it cool, but you notice his eyes watering as he takes a bite.

It’s your turn. You mimic his actions, but decide to add even more Sriracha than he did. August watches you smugly. You feel regret as soon as you take a bite. It feels like you just took a swig of molten lava. You try your best to look calm and collected, but you know your face must be bright red. 

You look over at the table where Sans and the Royal Guardsmen are seated. They must not have ordered any appetizers because they’re already eating their soup. RG 02 is feeding noodles to RG 01. They seem happy. Sans’s chopsticks keep slipping out of his bony little fingers and falling into his bowl. He looks incredibly annoyed. Ultimately, he ends up asking the waitress for a fork.

The rest of lunch is spent talking mostly about your trip to D.C. You tell August all about the places you plan on taking Frisk. The attraction you’re most excited to see is the Smithsonian. You had even gone on their website and printed out a couple of worksheets for you and Frisk to fill out. It could be like a field trip! When you were younger, you loved doing little worksheets when you went on field trips. It always felt like a scavenger hunt trying to find all of the answers. Hopefully, Frisk feels the same way. 

By the time Sans comes over to tell you that everyone is done eating, you and August have finished eating your soup and have resumed your Sriracha eating contest. It is unclear who is winning at this point. 

Sans watches, amused, as you squirt a massive glob of Sriracha straight into your mouth. Your face scrunches up in pain as you close your mouth to swallow.

“heh. watch this.” Sans grabs the bottle from you and takes the cap off of it.

You and August watch Sans, astonished, as he chugs the rest of it. To your amazement, he looks entirely unaffected. _Does he not have any taste buds?! I mean, he doesn’t have a tongue. So that would make sense. But he’s able to taste your and Papyrus’s cooking… Also that grape drink a few weeks ago. Oh god, the fucking grape drink…_

“Fuck, man. How?” August asks and you’re thankfully torn from that train of thought.

“magic.” Sans wiggles his fingers and winks at him lazily.

“Welp. I guess there’s _no bones about it._ Sans is the winner.” August grumbles at your pun and Sans smiles at you.

“what do i win?” 

“The coveted title of ‘Cock Master,’ of course. ____ was the previous Cock Master, but it seems you’ve defeated her.” August grins up at Sans devilishly.

Oh god. No. Mistakes have been made. 

“…cock master?” Sans snorts, his smile shifting into a smirk. You glare at August as he shows Sans the little white rooster outline on the bottle. The skeleton man doubles over laughing and August gives you his best shit-eating grin. 

Soon after, the royal guards amble over to your table. 

“Thanks for lunch, August! We owe ya one, bro.” 

“…thanks.” 02 smiles sweetly at August. His voice is very smooth and deep. You’re a little surprised by it because this is the first time you’ve ever heard him speak.

“Yah of course, guys!” 

Everyone says their goodbyes before you part ways. August tells you that he’ll call you later tonight to tell you how things go with Agatha. 01 gives you a big, squeezing hug. 02 just gives you a soft ‘goodbye’ and waves at you shyly.

When you and Sans get back to your house, it’s about 2:00. He flops down on your couch mumbling something about being a _tired_ third _wheel._ Before you can respond, he’s already fast asleep.

You head back to your room and flip on your computer. After checking your email, you decide to play Sim City 4 while you wait for Asgore to come and pick you up. You’re bankrupt after an hour and a half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready to go to D.C. with Frisk! Asterisks and they/them pronouns will abound. Also, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING bad is going to happen! :D
> 
> Tumblr: http://bushkawocky.tumblr.com/  
>  _Why do random porn blogs keep following me?!_


	12. Shrimp Cocktail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go to Washington D.C. with Frisk and Asgore.

Around 4:00, you hear Asgore pull up in front of your house. You rush over to look out the window. Immediately, you recognize the monster king, having seen him many times on the news. He’s driving a dark purple minivan with Frisk sitting in the passenger seat. 

It’s a very nice minivan, brand new, shiny, and fitted with leather seats. However, you were expecting him to arrive in something a little more regal. For this reason, you had worn nice-ish clothes, half expecting a limo to escort you to the airport. 

When he steps out of the car, you come to appreciate just how enormous he is. He’s at least 8 feet tall with a somewhat stocky build. He’s easily the largest monster (or person, for that matter) you’ve ever seen. You can tell he’s trying his best to appear non-threatening. He’s wearing a pastel pink golf shirt with a floral print and some cargo shorts. Despite his laid-back outfit and cheery smile, you can’t help but feel intimidated by him. 

The doorbells rings and you inhale sharply before answering it. Asgore greets you with a warm smile. 

“Howdy! It is nice to finally meet you! I have heard many good things about you from Undyne and Papyrus. Although I don’t think that it is… necessary for you to come with us this week, I am glad you are joining us nonetheless.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, your majesty.” You give Asgore a small curtsy, silently congratulating yourself for not mucking up the greeting you’ve been rehearsing all week. He laughs heartily in response.

“There’s no need for that, dear. Just call me Asgore. Are you all ready to go?”

“Yah just let me go grab my suitcase from…” 

“hello asgore.” You jump. Sans is suddenly at your side, his tone icy. 

“Sans.” Asgore’s friendly smile falters.

“haven’t seen you in a while… how have things been at the tea shop?” Sans stares at Asgore, intensely.

“Good. Your brother has been a great help to me.” Asgore sternly stares back at him.

“that’s good to hear. he seems to like his job.” Sans responds without the slightest hint of mirth in his voice. 

The air is thick with silent tension as the two men stare each other down. (Well, Asgore is the one doing most of the downward staring…) You’re not sure what the conflict is between these two, but you’re feeling increasingly uncomfortable. 

“Uhh I’m… I’ll be right back, guys.” It’s not the smoothest exit, but it works. 

You duck into your room to retrieve your suitcase. Of course, Chewie is sitting right on top of it, defiantly. She’s a smart cat and associates your suitcase with being left alone. You reach out to grab the handle and she swipes you with her paw. 

“Aww baby, don’t worry. I won’t be gone long. And you won’t be alone! The nice skeleton man is going to stop by every day.” You coo and stroke her reassuringly.

Ever since Papyrus met Chewie, he’s been absolutely enamored with her. Initially, whenever the skelebros would visit, Chewie hid under the couch and refused to come out. Papyrus noticed this and felt bad for ‘NEEDLESSLY FRIGHTENING THE SMALL FURRY CREATURE.’ He spent about an hour gently coaxing Chewie out from hiding. Eventually, he was even able to get her to sit on his lap. 

Now, whenever Papyrus comes over, he makes sure to take a couple minutes to pet her. He even brought her a bag of fancy, gourmet treats last week, which she loved. When you asked him to pet sit for you, his response was an immediate and enthusiastic yes.

You continue petting the kitty for a few minutes before gently lifting her off of the suitcase and setting her down on your bed. She waltzes over to your pillow and curls up on top of it, instead.

When you return to the living room, Frisk is standing with Asgore in the doorway. Everyone is smiling and you can tell that the mood has lightened considerably.

*…and then, I told him I want another hot dog, and he put it on top of my head!* Frisk beams up at Sans. 

“heh. i figured you _mustard_ been pretty hungry, kiddo.” Frisk giggles at Sans’s joke before they notice your presence. You walk over towards the door, lugging your suitcase behind you. Their eyes light up when they see you.

*____!!* They excitedly sign your name and run up to give you a hug. They are awfully affectionate for a kid you’ve only babysat once, but you find it charming.

“Hey there, little buddy!” 

*Well, now that ____’s ready, we’d better get going! I don’t want to leave Flowey by himself for too long.*

You follow Frisk and Asgore out to the van, not noticing that the lights in Sans’s eyes have disappeared.

Frisk retakes their place in the front passenger’s seat. You sit directly behind them, sinking into the soft, cushy material of the seat. 

The two back rows of seats have been put down. The back of the van is filled to the brim with what must be Frisk’s and Asgore’s luggage as well as a bunch of gardening supplies. It’s incredibly cluttered. Asgore is busy shifting things around, trying to fit your suitcase. 

“So _this_ human is the reason that the smiley trashbag and his idiot brother are being paid to do basically nothing?” A high pitched voice rings out. You look around the van, searching for the source. 

“Over here, you idiot.” You look down at the floor of the van and find an ornate silver flower pot. Inside is a small yellow flower that’s scowling at you. 

*Flowey, be nice!* Frisks turns around and scolds the little flower.

“Hmmph. Tell me it’s not true…” The flower huffs.

*Her friend got attacked by a hate group. The Royal Guard just wants to keep everyone safe.* Frisk signs to the flower, looking slightly aggravated.

“More like Undyne wants to keep _her paycheck_ safe. Besides, nobody actually got attacked. Some moron just threw a rock through a windshield.” 

*They threatened Agatha! They had a bunch of her information!* 

“Oh waaahhh. Also, the hate group said absolutely nothing about her stupid boyfriend or _this_ human. It’s a huge waste of resources, if you ask me. But whatever. You’re all a bunch of morons and I really couldn’t care less how the king spends his gold...” Flowey rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Well I’m taking a nap. Wake me up when we get there.” He glares at you one last time before mumbling something under his breath and shutting his eyes.

After successfully fitting your suitcase in the back, Asgore shuts the trunk closed. He walks around and climbs into the driver’s seat.

“Off we go!” He announces cheerily, completely unaware of the exchange that just occurred. 

It’s about a 45 minute drive from Morrison to DIA. On the way, you learn that flowers can in fact snore. 

The flight from DIA to DCA is without incident. However, it isn’t the most pleasant experience. You regretted asking for the window seat. Asgore crushed you up against the wall the entire time, and someone was kicking the seat behind you. You were responsible for holding Flowey during the flight. He kept asking you annoying personal questions, insulting you, and even bit you a few times. Your mood had soured significantly by the end of the three-and-a-half-hour flight.

You’re relieved when you finally get to the hotel. The king has his own private room while you have to share a room with Frisk and your new sociopathic flower friend. You can’t say you aren’t jealous. Upon arrival, you stuff Flowey into the cabinet under the bathroom sink and leave him there. 

The hotel is definitely the nicest you’ve ever been in. Your room is huge. There’s a gigantic flat screen TV with more channels than you could ever know what to do with, a patio with a hot tub and an incredible view of the city, and the most comfortable bed you’ve ever laid in. You and Frisk unpack your things and settle into the room. Frisk claims the bed closest to the patio and you take the bed closest to the bathroom. 

After a while, Asgore stops by, wanting to take Frisk swimming at the hotel’s pool. You didn’t bring a swimsuit and don’t feel like sitting in some muggy pool area so you let them go by themselves. This gives you some time to relax by yourself. You’re hungry so you call room service and order some shrimp cocktail. It comes surprisingly fast, in about 15 minutes. 

A few hours pass. You’re snug in bed, munching on your second order of shrimp cocktail, and watching a cheesy romance movie. You check your phone. You’ve been waiting all night to hear from August and you haven’t yet. There’s still nothing. Hopefully everything is okay… 

The movie you’re watching is complete garbage. You’re getting pretty sleepy, barely paying attention. The main characters are standing in the pouring rain, about to profess their love to each other when Frisk comes bursting into your hotel room. What the hell? It’s almost 1:00 in the morning… You had assumed, when Frisk didn’t come back earlier, that they were sleeping in Asgore’s room tonight. 

You pull yourself out from under the covers, groaning. You set the unfinished shrimp on your nightstand, next to the glass of wine you’ve been working on, and snap off the TV. 

“Frisk? What are you doing up so late? I thought you were with your dad.”

*I went for a walk.* They give you a weak smile and climb onto their bed.

“By yourself?”

*Yah.* They swing their legs off the side of the bed, not making eye contact with you.

“That’s dangerous, kiddo. Especially in an unfamiliar city. You need to ask someone to come with you next time.”

*Nobody came with me when I was underground.* They scoff. *Trust me. I can take care of myself*

You sigh, slightly annoyed. “I don’t doubt that. But you’re still just a kid, ya know. It’s not safe for you to be alone, wandering around. Your mom would kill me if she found out.”

Frisk just rolls their eyes at you. *Yeah, yeah, yeah… Look, all I did was take a walk. I’m fine. Nothing happened. Can you just drop it, please?* You’ve worked under Dr. Kaeden long enough to know that something is troubling them. You're starting to develop his 'sixth sense'. 

“Is everything alright, Frisk?” You ask in a gentle voice. They look at you, eyes filled with anxiety. 

*I’m nervous about tomorrow… I’m scared I’m going to say something wrong.* 

“The press just wants to hear what happened to you. You won’t say anything wrong.”

They sigh. *You don’t understand, ____.*

“What don’t I understand?”

*Well… I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but I know I can trust you… Integrity and kindness, right?* Frisk smiles at you shyly, looking at your chest. 

“Yah… how did you know that?”

*Let’s just say that I overheard someone talking to my mom about you.* They grin at you, mischievously. 

“Who?” You feel a blush creeping onto your face. Someone was talking to Toriel about your soul?

*Don’t worry about it.* Frisk giggles and winks at you.

“Uh okay… anyway, what is it?” 

Frisk pauses for a moment before they answer you. Their smile fades into a pensive frown.

*Everything I’m going to say tomorrow… At the press conference... It's all lies.*

“Why would you lie?”

They look at you, eyes filled with a deep sadness. *I have to protect my friends… They just wanted to be free. They didn’t want to hurt anyone…*

“What are you talking about, Frisk?”

*Th-they killed people… they killed children. Six of them.* Frisk signs to you gently. They look genuinely frightened. 

“Who did?”

*I think it was my dad, mostly… Undyne might have killed a few as well… B-But they only did it because they wanted to free everyone! They needed human souls to break the barrier. They had been trapped underground for hundreds of years!*

“Wait what?! Asgore killed a bunch of kids?! And Undyne? Seriously?!” You felt a little sick in your stomach, trying to process this new information. Does Agatha know about this?! She’s pretty much best friends with Undyne.

*…Yah.*

“Oh my god! That’s terrible! No wonder your mom didn’t want you alone with Asgore… Wait, is this why she left him?” 

*Not exactly. It’s a bit more complicated than that…* 

“…oh, okay.” You feel silent rage bubbling up within you. How could anyone kill innocent little kids?! Asgore is so huge, and Undyne is so tough! The poor things must have been terrified. They wouldn’t have even stood a chance!

*Oh no. You’re angry. Please don’t tell anyone! If that got out…*

Frisk didn’t even need to finish their sentence. You both knew what would happen to the monsters if the news broke that they had killed children. One of the main reasons monsters had been allowed to leave Mt. Ebott in the first place was because Frisk had told everyone that they weren’t dangerous. Forget fighting for their rights, monsters would be fighting for their survival.

“Don’t worry… I won’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to them either.” You whisper. The two of you are silent for a moment.

*Thanks ____.* 

“Don’t worry. You’re a smart kid. Everything will be fine. You’d better get some sleep, though. It’s pretty late.”

*Alright, goodnight.*

“Goodnight, Frisk.”

That night, you are awoken twice by maniacal laughter coming from under the bathroom sink. After you threaten to microwave a mug of boiling water and dump it on him, Flowey finally shuts up. But you would never actually do that, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Press conference tomorrow!  
> Why hasn't August called? What's Frisk going to tell the press?! 
> 
> Stay tuned! 
> 
> Tumblr: http://bushkawocky.tumblr.com/


	13. Strawberry Crepes and a Single Slice of Bacon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your support!! :D

_Once again, you’ve found yourself here. Breathing in the chilly damp air, you take in the familiar surroundings. The floor beneath you is hard, uneven rock. You assume that this is a cave of some sort, but it’s too dark to be certain._

_Something stirs inside your soul. All at once, your senses are overwhelmed. There are many memories, secrets, treasures. All whispering to you. Crying out for your attention. All desiring to belong to you once more. Things you once possessed, but have forgotten. Things once lost to the threads of time, that have been recovered here._

_A swirl of magic dances through the cave, circling and humming around you. You get the feeling that you are no longer alone. Your soul sings out to this new presence, cheerily warbling in your chest. Its familiar song welcomes the being, drawing it closer to you._

_The humming magic gets louder and louder, causing your entire body to vibrate with its resonations. You let out a soft gasp as you feel it enter your body, your mind, and finally you feel it plunge into the depths your soul. Even though your soul invited this thing inside of you, you feel a little violated._

_“You didn’t remember.” A tired sounding voice speaks to you softly, from within your mind. You can feel a deep agony that is not your own ringing through you, as it speaks._

_“Huh? Who are you?” You whisper into the darkness._

_“It doesn’t matter, really. I’m here to help you. I’ve… I’ve done some horrible things. I don’t expect to ever be forgiven… But I want to do whatever good I can.” You pause for a moment, absorbing the mysterious voice’s words._

_“What did you do?” you ask quietly, taking a seat on the cold floor._

_“Again, it doesn’t really matter. All of your questions will be answered in time, and it’s not my place to be answering them.”_

_You’re not entirely sure how to respond to that. An awkward silence falls between yourself and the entity inhabiting your body. You trace a finger across the damp stone in front of you, examining it. Everything is brimming with magic and your fingertips tingle pleasantly. You wonder to yourself where you are. The voice in your head starts up again, as if they could read your thoughts. Perhaps they can…_

_“This place exists on the threshold of reality. It does not know the limitations of time nor space. We both possess a connection, allowing us access. I am no longer corporeal, but I can communicate with you using my magic. It’s quite a tiring process… It’s somewhat invasive as well. I apologize for that. However, this is the only link to your world that I have left...”_

_At that last phrase you experience a suffocating sense of desolation and hopelessness._

_“How am I connected, exactly?” you ask gently._

_“Fate brought you to me in a different timeline. Maybe another time we can sit here a while and chat. That would be absolutely delightful! There is so much that I’d love to talk to you about, my dear. I’m terribly lonely. Unfortunately, the reason that I’m contacting you is an urgent one and I can’t be expending my energy on unnecessary conversation.”_

_“Uh… okay. What’s so urgent?”_

_“Honestly, it would be best if I just showed you…”_

_The world around you slowly fades and you feel a sudden rush of foreign thoughts and sensations._

_You’re standing behind a curtain. Peeking out, you can see a stage surrounded by a sea of people all wielding cameras, microphones, and notepads. A table adorned with silky white fabric sits at the center of the stage in front of a row of flags._

_Several people are sitting at the table. Oh, and a monster. Asgore is there. Frisk is sitting next to him. The child turns around to wink at you. You feel yourself smile and give them a thumbs up. You’re terrified to discover that you have absolutely no control over your body. You’re just a passive observer._

_“And now, the moment everyone has been waiting for. The royal child, Frisk Dreemurr, has been brave enough to come here today and tell us their story. Please give a warm welcome to Frisk, as well as their interpreter, Zachary Hoffman.” An unfamiliar voice booms out through a speaker somewhere behind you. There’s a roar of applause that quickly fades into anticipatory silence._

_Frisk begins signing to a person that you assume is their interpreter. The red-haired man watches them intently. Once they’ve finished, the man clears his throat._

_“Hello everyone, thank you all for coming out today. My name is Frisk. I’m the child who freed the monsters from the underground. Today, I’d like to finally tell you all how I did it.”_

_Frisk starts signing to the interpreter again. The angle is awkward, so you’re unable to make out what they’re saying._

_Suddenly, there’s an ear-splitting BOOM that could only be a gunshot. You look out at the crowd and see movement. Someone is rushing towards the exit. It’s a blonde woman, wearing a beige peacoat over black leggings. Guards tackle her before she can escape. A small, shiny pistol flies from her grasp and slides across the floor._

_Your attention returns to the stage. Frisk is slumped over in their chair, a pool of crimson soaking the white cloth beneath their head. Everyone at the table has stood up and is gathered around Frisk. Asgore has his hands on Frisk’s back and is using what you assume is healing magic. His efforts are in vain._

_A red heart is visible within Frisk’s chest. You figure that this must be their soul. You’re not entirely sure why you can see it. An increasing amount of blood is spilling out onto the table. The soul quickly fades into nothingness, eventually shattering._

_As the soul breaks, the scene ends. You’re abruptly snapped back to the dark cave. The quick change in scenery leaves you with a lingering vertigo._

_“You absolutely cannot let this happen. Frisk is not just any normal child. You see, if Frisk dies, time will reset again.” The voice booms throughout your body. You can feel their abject desperation._

_“Huh? What do you mean?”_

_You feel the entity let out a long, lingering sigh. “I cannot explain. My magic reserves are running low. I must leave you now. Just protect the child… Please.”_

Everything slowly fades. Suddenly you feel your body being shaken.

You open your eyes and find a very worried-looking Frisk looming above you, gripping your torso. 

*A-Are you alright? I’ve been trying to wake you up for almost 10 minutes, now. You were sobbing and whimpering in your sleep. I think you were having a nightmare or something.* They sign at you, frantically.

Gently pushing Frisk away, you groan and sit up in bed, stretching your arms out. “Yah… I’m fine. It was just a dream.”

*What was it about?* 

You pause, desperately trying to remember. A feeling of dread overtakes you when you realize that you can’t.

“I don’t know. I can’t remember…” 

Frisk frowns at you. *You can’t remember anything at all?*

“No, sorry… Why?”

*You kept saying my name…*

“Huh. Strange. No idea why I’d be dreaming about you…” You trail off, once again trying to remember what happened your dream. Frisk gives you a worried look.

“Say, why don’t you order us some breakfast? I’m gonna take a quick shower. That alright kiddo?”

Perking up at the prospect of food, they nod at you and grab the room service menu. You head into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You look at your reflection in the mirror and sigh. Your make-up from the previous day is smudged, your hair is greasy and stringy. A shower is exactly what you need. 

The bathroom is equipped with a combination bath/shower. You turn the water valve about halfway between the hot and cold settings. As the water warms up, you adjust it a few times until you’ve found the perfect temperature.

You strip down and step into the shower, pulling the curtain behind you. The water feels incredible pounding down on your skin. You shut your eyes and bask in its comfort. 

You’re pulled out of your trance when you notice the water has gotten slightly warmer. Weird. You reach for your shampoo bottle, squeezing a small dollop into your palm. Stepping out from beneath the stream of water, you work the shampoo into your hair. You scrub at your scalp with your fingertips, turning the shampoo into a creamy lather. Once you’re satisfied, you step back under the shower head to rinse. You yelp and jump back out. The water is scalding.

You look down at the shower valve and find that the temperature setting has been turned all the way up. You’re completely bewildered until you hear a high pitched giggle coming from behind the shower curtain. Pulling it back, you find Flowey giving you a malicious grin. 

“What the hell is the matter with you?!” 

“That’s what you get for threatening me. You’re nothing but a bully.” He hisses at you.

“You keep this shit up, you’re gonna find yourself in some pretty _hot water._ ” 

Flowey groans. “You’ve managed to both threaten me and make a completely unfunny pun at the same time. Trashbag would be proud…”

“Fuck off. Why don’t you just _leaf_ me alone?” Flowey smirks at you and you notice his gaze drifting down from your face towards your chest. You snap the shower curtain back, covering up your body. Flowey cackles with laughter.

“Oh my god, you little perv!” You extend your arm out, grabbing for your towel. You’re barely able to reach it. After wrapping yourself in it, you come out from behind the curtain. Hair still covered in shampoo foam, you grab the flower pot and exit the bathroom with a huff. Frisk is lying in bed, playing a game on their phone.

“Take him!” You shout. Surprised by your sudden entrance, Frisk drops their phone on the bed and sits up. They give you an amused smile. You shove Flowey into their hands. Without giving either of them a chance to respond, you storm back into the bathroom to finish your shower. 

While you were showering, it seems that Frisk decided to have the entire breakfast menu delivered to your room. Bacon, waffles, toast, pancakes, eggs, crepes, hash browns, a couple of croissants, a plate of biscuits and gravy, a blueberry muffin, a chocolate muffin, and even a bowl of oatmeal are all waiting on the table for you as you exit the bathroom. You silently wonder to yourself what kind of weird kid orders oatmeal.

“Jeez Frisk, there’s no way we can eat all of this!” You chuckle as you finish toweling off your hair.

*I don’t know. It all looks so good! I’m pretty determined.* They beam up at you.

“I’ll take the strawberry crepes. Oh, and this slice of bacon. The rest is all you, bud.” You grab your plate of food and take a seat next to Frisk.

*Flowey, do you want any of this?* Frisk smiles and signs over to the little flower pouting by the window.

“I’m a flower. What do you think?” The flower scowls at them and resumes his pouting. 

You didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Frisk manages to finish all of the food. Even the oatmeal. They look a little ill. You really hope that they don’t get sick during the press conference. After breakfast, you make your way downstairs.

You’ve learned that this hotel is a popular choice for important political meetings. It is well equipped with several large rooms to hold events in. The press conference is being held in the largest of these rooms. It is a major event. Reporters from all around the world have flown in to hear Frisk speak.

The room is filled with at least fifty rows of chairs. Hardly anyone has arrived yet. There’s still a few hours before the conference begins. A few people have straggled in, but the enormous room remains pretty empty. You make your way towards the stage with Frisk in tow.

“Hi, there! You must be Frisk.” A bubbly middle-aged woman with short brown hair waves at the two of you and scurries over to greet you. “My name is Charity Miles. I’ll be the one directing the event this afternoon.”

*Hi Charity! Nice to meet you*

“Oh… Sorry. I actually don’t know sign language. I guess now would be a good time to introduce you to your interpreter! Uh… where did he wander off to…?” Charity slowly spins herself around, scanning the room. Her face lights up when she spots a red-haired man come out from behind the stage, carrying a box. “Zach! Over here! The kid just arrived!” She squeals.

The man jumps at Charity’s voice. He sets the box down onto the stage and gives you a timid wave. He shuffles over to the three of you. 

“Hey… I’m Zach. I uh… work for the hotel.”

“The hotel has an ASL interpreter?” you ask skeptically. 

“Uh… not exactly? I’m actually part of the maintenance staff… My little sister is selectively mute so I understand signing. I’m really not an official interpreter though…” 

“Nonsense! Zach is a great interpreter. We wouldn’t be using him for such a high-profile event if he wasn’t!” Charity shoots you and Frisk a cheery grin and pats Zach on the back. He winces at her touch and takes a small step away from her. 

“Whatever. I’m gonna go finish setting up…” 

He saunters back over to the stage and pulls some audio equipment out of the box. You watch him for a moment before returning your attention to Charity. Much to your annoyance, Frisk accepted her offer to give you both a tour of the hotel.

The next hour and a half is spent following Charity around as she excitedly tells you about every nook and cranny of the hotel. 

‘This painting was painted by the leader of a prominent neo-Nazi group!’

‘This bathroom was once used by Nancy Pelosi!’ 

‘It is rumored that President Clinton had an affair in this suite!’

By the time she’s done, you’re exhausted. You’re amazed by how energetic this woman is, especially since she’s at least a decade older than you. When you finally return to the press conference room, it is packed. To get to the stage, you and Frisk have to squeeze through the aisle, past hundreds of reporters setting up their cameras and microphones. You duck behind the curtains and head backstage. The backstage area is fairly small. There’s a little lounge set up, complete with a couch, coffee table, and some comfy chairs. You and Frisk decide to sit and relax for a while.

About 20 minutes later, Asgore joins you. You’re delighted to find that he bought cookies for you and Frisk from a nearby bakery. The three of you munch on chocolate-raisin cookies and engage in polite conversation while you wait.

Asgore is in the middle of a story about Papyrus trying to give spaghetti away to the customers at his tea shop, when Charity returns.

“You guys ready?! We’re live in five minutes!” she squawks at you. “Let’s do this!” she excitedly grabs Frisk by the wrist and leads them onstage. Asgore slowly stands up and follows them. You stand behind the curtain and watch as everyone finds their places onstage. 

On the stage is a cloth-covered table set with four chairs. Frisk sits between Asgore and Zach. Charity sits at the end of the table.

“Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for coming. I’m sure you all know that today is an important day for monster-human relations and I’m glad we can all be a part of it!” Somehow, Charity’s voice is even more annoyingly cheerful booming through the speaker behind you. Frisk turns around to smile and wink at you. You grin and give them a thumbs up.

“And now, the moment everyone has been waiting for. The royal child, Frisk Dreemurr, has been brave enough to come here today and tell us their story. Please give a warm welcome to Frisk, as well as their interpreter, Zachary Hoffman.” There’s a roar of applause that quickly fades into anticipatory silence.

Frisk begins signing to Zach. He watches Frisk intently. Once they’ve finished signing, he clears his throat and begins speaking.

“Hello everyone, thank you all for coming out today. My name is Frisk. I’m the child who freed the monsters from the underground. Today, I’d like to finally tell you all how I did it.”

Suddenly, images begin flashing through your mind. The woman. The gun. Frisk. 

You look out past the stage and there she is. Standing in the center of the crowd, you see her reach into her jacket. Much to your horror, you see the flash of something shiny in her grasp. Rushing out from behind the curtain, you scream.

“FRISK!! GET DOWN!”

BOOM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Charity’s character was somewhat inspired by Leslie from Parks and Recreation. She may or may not return. I dunno.  
> Eh, she probably will. I like her.
> 
> Tumblr: http://bushkawocky.tumblr.com


	14. Grilled Ketchup and Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flowey makes some very distasteful jokes...

_ah, the grilled ketchup and cheese sandwich. truly a culinary wonder to be **relished.** heh. one for me. and one to torment papyrus with. perfect._

Sans mused to himself as the two greasy abominations sizzled in the frying pan. As he flipped the sandwiches, beads of burnt ketchup embedded themselves into the bread. His cooking never failed to get a _ryes_ out of Papyrus. Okay that was a stretch… He was using sugary white bread, rye would be much too healthy. Also the bitterness would clash horribly with the ketchup.

The tea shop was closed this week because Asgore was in D.C. with Frisk. That meant an entire week of quality time with his brother. Sans was thrilled. Since they worked opposite schedules, he didn’t get to spend as much time with Papyrus as he would like.

Papyrus was glued to the TV. He’d been watching coverage of the press conference for the past hour. Frisk was supposed to be coming on soon, so Sans decided to make some lunch for the two of them.

Sans didn’t really care much about Frisk’s speech. He knew it was all going to be a bunch of feel-good nonsense. Tori had been coaching the kid for months now. The only reason he was watching was so he could be sure he knew exactly what the official lie was just in case anyone asked him about it.

He happily hummed along to the song playing on the radio as he cut the first sandwich in half. He applied too much pressure as he was cutting. Ketchup and processed cheese globbed out the side and onto the plate. He grinned at his creation. That one was definitely Papyrus’s.

He grabbed the plates and made his way back to the living room, giddily anticipating his brother’s reaction. 

“hey paps, you hungry? i made you a...”

Sans almost dropped the plates of food when he saw your face on the TV. 

“uh bro, why is ____ on tv?”

“SHE’S A HERO, SANS! SHE RESCUED THE HUMAN CHILD FROM A VIOLENCE!”

“…huh?”

“IT HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE BUSY COMMITTING CULINARY ATROCITIES IN MY KITCHEN. NOW BE QUIET AND LISTEN!” 

He watched the television screen, bewildered. A young reporter, wearing an incredibly tight skirt, was interviewing you. 

“How did you do it? Not even the security staff knew anything was going on.”

“Heh. I dunno. I just had a feeling?” Sheepishly, you rubbed the back of your head, wearing a very forced smile. Your cheeks were flushed bright red. You looked like you would rather be literally anywhere else. 

“Well it’s certainly a good thing that you were here.”

“Yah I guess so…” You smile awkwardly and the camera cuts away from you, returning to the reporter.

“The suspect is 26 year-old, student, Miranda Luscia. Ms. Luscia is currently working toward her PhD in applied physics.” A photograph of an attractive young woman is flashed onto the screen. “She is currently being held in police custody. It is rumored that she has ties with the ‘Human Protection Front,’ an anti-monster extremist group. The suspect did not have a valid press pass to get into the conference. It is unknown how she was able to get past security at all. Much less carrying a revolver on her person. We are hoping for some answers soon. Staff are currently being questioned and surveillance footage is being analyzed.”

Sans’s first instinct was to teleport himself to D.C. to make sure you and the kid were alright. However, it was dangerous with places he’d never been. He could do it, sure. However, he could end up accidentally teleporting right into an object. 

The last time that happened was when he had first arrived on the surface. He was overly excited to see the city and had teleported himself right into the side of an office building. Being used to the familiar layout of the underground, he had completely forgotten the risks of teleporting to unknown places.

He had gotten himself completely stuck and it was humiliating. He was forced to beg random strangers passing by on the street to help him. He was stuck there for hours. Everyone who noticed had just gawked at him and kept walking. Some asshole even stopped to snap a picture of him. 

Finally, someone nice came by and offered to call his brother for him. He wasn’t surprised to find that the stranger who helped him had a vibrant green soul. Papyrus eventually came and spent almost an hour trying to free Sans’s left eye. Luckily that part of him had been embedded in soft plaster instead of the hard outer brick. 

No. Teleporting was out of the option. He could try to call or text one of you, but it seemed that you were busy dealing with viperous reporters. Why wouldn’t they just leave you guys alone? The kid survives an assassination attempt, and they waste no time shoving microphones in your face. 

Sans is torn from his reverie by his phone vibrating against his femur from inside his pocket. He shudders at the odd sensation. Damn, he misses the phone that he had underground. The phones on the surface are too vibrate-y. 

He grumbles and retrieves the phone from his pocket. 

“goat mom” is calling.

Oh good, Tori’s calling. Maybe she knows what’s going on. Sans smiles and swipes the screen to answer the call.

“hey tori.” 

“Knock knock.” 

“who’s there?”

“Canoe.”

“canoe who?”

“Canoe come down to D.C. with me? I mean, if you don’t mind? Frisk asked for you. Papyrus can come too if he likes.”

Huh. Frisk asked for _him?_ That can’t be good…

“pretty weak, tori. you’ve used the canoe joke at least a dozen times. you need to come up with some fresh material if you want to keep our friendship _afloat._ ”

“Hee hee hee. Oh, Sans! You are just hilarious.”

“that’s why everyone is so _font_ of me. they even call me the comic, sans!”

“Hee hee. Anyways, will you come with me?”

“of course i will. i’d better get some pie out of it, though. and no snail pie. that stuff is getting pretty _escarg_ old. heh.” There’s an awkward silence and he realizes he might have accidentally offended her with that joke. He’s quick to backpedal.

“just kidding, tori. you know i love your cooking.”

“Aww, thank you Sans. I actually made some blueberry pie this morning. I’ll bring a few slices for you and your brother when I come to pick you up.”

“okay, _sweet._ that’s _berry_ nice of you.”

XXXXXXXXXX

After about an hour of relentless questioning, you’re finally able to slip away from the reporters. You’re still trembling from what happened. All of the interviews that you did were a blur. You can hardly remember anything you said. Not that it really matters. There are much more important things on your mind. For example, the fact that you’re apparently some kind of a _fucking psychic_ now.

What the hell had happened?! You were just standing backstage, watching Frisk, when suddenly you just _knew_ what was going to happen. Somehow you knew that this woman, a complete stranger to you, was going to try to kill Frisk. You knew this even before you had seen her pull out her gun.

I mean, it’s not a bad thing, right? You saved the kid’s life! You’re a hero! But how the hell did you do it?! 

You step onto the elevator and tap the button for your floor. The metal doors close shut with a mechanical whir. Asgore had taken Frisk to lunch a little while ago. The poor kid was really shaken up… So you should have the room all to yourself. 

Well, no, not quite. Flowey would still be there… You were seriously not in the mood to deal with the little pesty flower right now. All you needed was a quick google search for the nearest hardware store and a few bucks for a bottle of weed killer… No. You wouldn’t do that. But that little fucker best remember that you could if you wanted to.

The elevator doors opened up once more. You trudged into your room and immediately flopped face-down onto your bed. 

“So how did the press conference go? I hear public opinion is _shooting up._ ”

“Flowey, shut the fuck up.” You’re way too tired for this shit. Although, August would probably love that joke. You make a mental note to text it to him later… Oh no, August!

“Hee hee hee. I’ll admit that puns aren’t jokes of my usual _caliber_ ” 

“That’s not funny.” You grumble. The flower sticks his tiny pink tongue out at you. You would be overwhelmed by the adorableness if it were any other anthropomorphic flower. You search the nightstand for your phone. You haven’t checked it since you went to bed last night. Hopefully August is alright… Heh. Someone tried to kill your charge this morning and apparently you have new psychic powers. However, you’re still very concerned about your friend’s love life. 

There it is! Hiding in the drawer underneath the room service menu. You unlock the screen and…

Shit. 5 missed calls and 6 new messages.

You look at the calls first…

Two calls from August. Two from Toriel. And one from Undyne. 

And… all six messages are from August. Of course. 

“Auggie <3” 2:32 A.M.

_Hey! I just got home. I took your advice and went out with Agatha tonight. Everything is fine. Heh. She asked me if I was sleeping when she sent that text. I told her that I was. :P_

“Auggie <3” 2:34 A.M.

_We’re now officially in the “I love you” stage of our relationship! Anyways, thanks for the advice. I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Goodnight. Love ya!_

“Auggie <3” 9:17 A.M.

_Tell Frisk good luck for me! :D_

“Auggie <3” 12:15 P.M.

_Oh my god! Are you okay?! There was a gunshot or something?! and then they just cut to a commercial? Call me, please!?!_

“Auggie <3” 12:22 P.M.

_Longest commercial break EVER. Wow! My bestie is a hero! I’m glad that nobody got hurt. But still, please call me when you get this?_

“Auggie <3” 2:02 P.M.

_____? :(_

You sigh and consider stuffing your phone right back into the nightstand, but that wouldn’t be right. You decide to shoot August a text. You’ll deal with Toriel and Undyne after a much-needed nap.

“xxx-xxx-xxxx” 3:23 P.M.

_Hey! I just got back to the hotel. Everything is fine. I’m just feeling super drained right now. I’ll call you after I get some rest.”_

After sending the message, you put your phone on silent. You stretch out onto the bed, rest your head on the soft pillow, and drift into a deep, dreamless sleep.

You’re awoken by the sound of someone fumbling with the hotel room door. Groggily, you check the time. You’re been sleeping for almost five hours. Oops. You were supposed to go get dinner with Frisk and Asgore tonight.

You sit up and smooth out your hair as the door finally flings open. Frisk comes rushing inside to greet you. Standing in the doorway are Toriel, Sans, and Papyrus. 

*____! You’re awake! My dad and I came to get you for dinner a few hours ago, but you were sleeping so peacefully. We didn’t want to wake you up.*

“It’s alright. I’ll just order something from room service… What are they doing here?” You motion to the three monsters waiting outside your room. “You guys can all come in, by the way… I don’t bite.”

*My mom insisted on coming down here after she saw what happened on the news… I wanted Sans and Papyrus to come too!* Frisk signs to you, happily. 

“Oh, my child. I do not want you to have to order from room service. I will make you something to eat, myself. It’s the least I can do. You saved my little Frisk!” Toriel gives you a warm smile. “What would you like, my dear?”

“Um… Anything is fine, really. How are you going to cook for me though? All I have in here is a microwave…”

Toriel laughs heartily in response. “Don’t worry. I can use fire magic. I almost never cook with appliances, anyway… Now, what would you like to eat? I can make you whatever you like.”

Crap. You have no idea what you want. You pause, considering your options.

“…why don’t you make your favorite dish and surprise me with it!” Perfect! You really are a master at indecision. 

“Oh! How wonderful! I would love to do that! I just need to make a quick trip to the grocery store…”

As Toriel trails off, Sans is quick to speak up. “hey, paps. uh... why don’t you go with her? she might need your cooking expertise. or something.” Sans smiles at Toriel apologetically. She shoots him a glare in return. 

“WHY OF COURSE, SANS!! I WOULD BE HONORED TO ESCORT THE QUEEN TO THE STORE! I WOULD LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PUT ON A DISPLAY OF MY CULINARY PROWESS FOR THE ROYAL LADY!”

"We'll be back shortly. Be good, Frisk."

Toriel walks out the door, sighs, and motions for Papyrus to follow her. He giddily bounces along after her, slamming the door behind them. You wince at the loud noise. There’s a moment of awkward silence.

“okay. now that the three of us are alone…” The pinpricks of light in Sans’s eyes disappear as he turns to you. “we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: bushkawocky.tumblr.com


	15. Snail Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans is a butthead.  
> Also, Blooky and Mettaton found their way into this chapter somehow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if any of my subscribers got two emails about this. I was having some issues with posting it...  
> Let's just say I'm not going to be using the draft feature on here, anymore.

The shift in Sans's tone makes you shudder. Where did the lights in his eyes go?! Did you do something wrong? You'd never seen Sans like this before.

Normally, Sans was nothing but a bundle of smiles and bad jokes. The Sans you knew did things like changing your laptop's wallpaper to a bottle of ketchup, poorly photoshopped to appear to be careening through space. Upon discovery, the two of you had laughed about it, sharing condiment and space related puns. You got him back a few days later by replacing all of the contact photos in his phone with a picture of Chewie wearing a cape.

You've only known him for maybe a month now. However, there was something very disarming about his dorky sense of humor and his warm, ever-present, smile. You'd grown to be quite comfortable around him in a very short time.

But this… Without his little eyelights happily darting around, Sans looked truly menacing. You realized that you _really_ did not know this man very well at all.

Terrified, you murmur a weak 'okay' and leave your seat on the bed to join them.

"let's just get to the point." he grumbles. Sans pulls his phone out from inside his jacket pocket. He taps and swipes at the screen a few times, pulling up a video. "this is surveillance footage from the press conference. the police synced up the footage from the onstage camera with the footage from the camera pointed at the audience."

Sans taps the play symbol and shoves the phone into your hands. Frisk peers at the phone from over your shoulder. They seem just as confused as you are.

You look down at the phone that was forcefully thrust into your hands. The screen is split in two, the stage area is on the left and the audience is on the right. The background of the footage has been darkened in a way that highlights both you and the shooter.

You can see yourself peeking out from the stage curtain. The shooter is standing in the middle of the audience, adjusting her camera's tripod. Frisk turns around to face you. You watch yourself smile and give them a thumbs up. Frisk turns back around. The shooter has stopped fiddling with the camera and is now watching the stage area intently. Frisk begins signing to Zachary. Once they stop, you can see his lips start moving.

The onstage footage is zoomed in to your face. You watch yourself tense up suddenly. Your expression quickly changes from a lazy smile to a look of horror. Then, _after_ your expression changes, the woman reaches for her jacket and pulls out the shiny revolver. You rush out onto the stage. Frisk ducks for cover. The back panel of the stage shakes from the impact of the bullet. The clip ends.

Shit. This psychic bullshit has been caught on film.

"you see the problem, pal?" Sans hisses at you. Startled, you look up from the phone and he's right in your face. Standing at about the same height as you, his nasal aperture is dangerously close to the tip of your nose. You stare into the dark void of his eye sockets, wide-eyed.

"Um…" You've been caught off guard, no idea how to respond. The breach of your personal space has left you completely flustered.

"the only explanation for your reaction is that knew about the shooter beforehand." He snarls. You blink and Sans disappears from his spot in front of you. Before you can turn around, he's growling, lowly, right into your ear. "you mind telling me what's going on?" You can feel his breath, hot and damp against your skin. You're not sure how that's even possible for someone without lungs. The soft vibration of his words in your ear sends chills through your body... Holy shit, you're not getting turned on by this, are you?!

"I-I don't know what happened! Honest!" You manage to stammer out. You feel your cheeks burning. You turn around and find Sans smirking maliciously at you. At least his eye-lights have returned…

"the police are investigating you right now. they have suspicions that you're connected to the HPF. they were considering taking you in for questioning earlier, but undyne told them not to. she wants me to talk to you first."

"…um well that was nice of her."

"don't thank her just yet. you still owe me an explanation. if you can't satisfy me, i'm taking you straight to the police." He says flatly. You begin to panic. How are you going to give an explanation for something you didn't even begin to understand?! He thinks you're part of some racist group? And he's going to turn you over to the police? You thought he was your friend…

"I _really_ have no idea what happened, Sans! I was just standing backstage and suddenly there were these images flashing through my head. I just _knew_ what was going to happen. I know that sounds crazy, but it's the truth! I'm not a part of some hate group! I love monsters! You have to believe me! I haven't done anything wrong!" You ramble desperately, hoping to change Sans's mind. Sans stares you down, little pinpricks of light shifting around deliberately, carefully studying your face. You feel tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. You don't know what to do…

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Frisk signing something, trying to get your attention. However, you're much too focused on the angry skull leering at you to see what they want.

"you just _knew?_ heh. buddy. that doesn't make any sense. i've shown you video evidence that you knew about the shooter. there _has_ to be a reason why you did. and yet, here you are, still lying to my face. pretending to cry, even." Sans takes a step towards you. A tear spills out from your eye and Sans uses a single phalange to wipe it away. He sneers at you. "you know what happens to people who try to manipulate me?" His eye-lights disappear once more and you feel a rush of fear overtake your body. "trust me. you don't wanna find out."

"I-I…I'm telling you the truth! I really don't…" You stammer out. Two more tears make their way down your face.

"cut the crap. if you don't… y o u ' r e g o n n a h a v e a b a d t i m e ." Sans growls at you. There are blue and yellow flames coming out from his left eye socket. It's similar to how his eye glows blue when he's using his telekinesis, but this is much more threatening. He raises a hand and begins slowly clenching it into a fist. You feel your chest constricting. Soon, you can't breathe. Black spots begin to dance across your already tear-blurred vision.

"Sans! Stop it, now!" A shrill voice startles you both. Sans releases you from his grip. Weakened, you feel your knees give out from under you and you collapse onto the floor. The lights in Sans's eyes return and his expression softens. You look over and Frisk is glaring at Sans. Wait… did Frisk just… speak?

*Help her up and apologize. Now!* Frisk signs angrily.

Sans sighs. He offers his hands to you, pulling you up from the floor. "fine. but she still owes me… no, she owes _us_ an explanation."

*You're being an idiot, Sans. She clearly doesn't know what's going on! Remember her soul colors?!*

Sans frowns, pausing to consider the child's words. "yah… integrity. so she's probably not lying to us… crap kid, you're right. i'm really sorry, ____." He looks at you sadly. You feel rage welling up inside you.

"Why wouldn't you listen to me?! You almost made me pass out with… whatever that was!" you scream at him. Not responding, he looks down at the ground ashamed.

*Why wouldn't you guys listen to _me?!_ * Frisk huffs, leering at both you and Sans.

"what is it, frisk?" Sans asks, gently.

*You haven't even asked me why I wanted you to come down here! ____ had a nightmare last night.*

Sans looks unimpressed. "so? is that seriously why you made me come down here?"

*Let me finish, you bone-head! She was talking in her sleep about a woman with a gun. Then she kept saying my name over and over…*

"Frisk! You never told me that I was talking about a woman with a gun. You just told me that I was saying your name!" you shout. They just shrug at you, making you more annoyed.

*Sorry… I didn't think it was important. Until it came true anyways…"

"you want me to believe that she had some sort of a psychic dream?" Sans asks Frisk, skeptically.

*Yep. That's what happened."

"…and that's what you want me to tell undyne. that ____ had a psychic dream that they couldn't remember until right before someone was about to shoot you. i'm sure that will go over well…"

*That's what happened, though.* Frisk frowns at him.

Sans sighs and rubs the back of his head. "alright, kid. i hope you're both telling me the truth. i'm gonna go call undyne… i'll be right back."

Sans walks out to the patio, closing the sliding glass door behind him. You watch as he pulls out his phone, taps the screen a few times, and presses it to the side of his skull. You're still fuming. He basically assaulted you! And for nothing! Why wouldn't he just listen to you? It's going to take more than just a simple apology for him to earn your forgiveness.

Frisk is watching Sans, nervously. You decide that, right now, a distraction would be good for both of you. "So… you wanna watch some TV?"

They nod at you enthusiastically. You plop down on you bed and you pat the space next to you. Frisk jumps up on the bed and cuddles up beside you. You hand them the remote. Immediately, they turn the TV on to Mettaton's show.

Mettaton is in a studio kitchen with Napstablook. They're bringing what look like empty packages from the refrigerator over to the counter. While the packages look empty, they seem to have some weight to them. They fall onto the counter with a soft thud.

"Alright! Now that we have all of our fabulous ingredients gathered, Blooky here is going to show us what to do."

"….so you take the first slice of ghost bread…" The suspiciously bread-shaped bag that is sitting on the counter next to Napstablook opens up, seemingly on its own.

"…then you layer on the ghost turkey and the ghost cheese… you want to add a little bit of ghost mustard and ghost mayonnaise to the bread… i'm using light ghost mayo, but you can use regular too… if you want, i mean… oh no… i think i added too much… oh no…" Packages on the counter keep opening and closing by themselves. There's even little empty condiment packages floating around above the counter.

"Nonsense! That looks absolutely fabulous, Blooky dear! Now add the final piece of bread!"

"…ok… there it is. a ghost sandwich. i hope you like it... i mean it's okay if you don't like it… no pressure or anything…"

Mettaton mimes picking up a sandwich and takes a gigantic bite.

"It's marvelous, darling! It's just how you've always made them." Mettaton gives the ghost a look of adoration. The little ghost's face flushes a bright pink.

Sans chooses this moment to open up the patio door and reenter the room.

The camera zooms in towards Mettaton's face and upbeat music blares. Mettaton winks at the camera and flips his shiny black hair dramatically. "Thank you all for joining me for 'Cooking with a Fabulous Robot!' Next time we'll be making starfaits! I hope to see you all then! Stay glamorous, my beauties!" Mettaton blows a kiss and the show cuts to a commercial.

"uhg. why are you guys watching this garbage?" He grumbles and snatches the remote away from Frisk, snapping the TV off.

*Hey! We were watching that!*

"yah. i know. that's the problem." Sans shoots double finger guns at Frisk and winks. He then turns to you, his expression growing serious. "anyways, i talked to undyne. she's skeptical about the whole psychic dream thing, just as i expected she would be." Sans frowns.

"Is she going to hand me over to the police?" you ask him quietly.

"no… but, you're going to have to let me and alphys run some tests on you at the lab." Sans says, taking a seat on your bed next to Frisk.

"W-What kind of tests?" you ask him. He refuses to meet your gaze. You really don't want to become some sort of science experiment.

"honestly, i don't really know yet. we're probably going to want to monitor you while you sleep. maybe we can come up with something to help you remember your dreams better. i'll have to talk with alphys about it…" Sans trails off, a distant expression on his face.

*Can we turn our show back on, now?* Frisk signs, giving Sans an irritated look.

"do we _have_ to watch mettaton?" Sans whines.

You shoot him a glare. "Yes. Yes we do."

Over the next half-hour, you learn how to make a starfait. It's basically a regular parfait with pink whipped cream, star-shaped glitter, and a slice of starfruit embellishing the top. During a commercial, Frisk tells you a story about how, when they were underground, they once bought a starfait just so they could talk to the employee selling them at MTT's hotel. Apparently the employee wasn't allowed to talk to anyone who didn't buy anything. What a weird rule…

Sans laughs and tells you that Frisk is talking about Bradley, who likely just made the rule up because he's awkward. You ignore him. He tries to make a dumb joke. _'the only culture that place had was in the yogurt!'_ You respond with a cold 'oh.' He looks slightly dejected. Whatever. Why is he acting like everything is fine?! It's infuriating.

Toriel and Papyrus return just as Mettaton is wrapping things up. Sans gives a sigh of relief and shuts the TV off.

"Hello. I hope that Frisk was good for you while I was away! I apologize for being gone so long. We had to try four different stores before we could find the main ingredient." Toriel gives you a friendly smile, setting a bag of groceries down on the small kitchenette's counter. Papyrus comes bounding in after her.

"HELLO HUMANS. SANS. THE QUEEN AND I HAVE RETURNED WITH THE GROCERIES! WE WILL PREPARE A MEAL TRULY FIT FOR A HERO SUCH AS ____!" He beams at you and piles his groceries on top on the ones that Toriel had set down, likely crushing them. She flashes him an annoyed glare.

"so whatcha makin' for us, tori?" Sans hops off of the bed and heads over towards the kitchenette. Defiantly, you turn the TV back on, causing Frisk to giggle. Sans starts to turn back around to complain, but Toriel is already waiting for him in the kitchenette.

"It's supposed to be a surprise..." She frowns at him. Papyrus is next to her, struggling to cram all of the groceries in the mini-fridge.

"THIS TINY FOOD MUSEUM IS INADEQUATE. HOW ARE WE TO DISPLAY ALL OF THE FINE INGREDIENTS THAT WE HAVE AQUIRED? …BROTHER, IS THIS YOUR DOING?" Papyrus dramatically scratches his chin and raises his eyebrow at Sans.

"nah, bro. why would I sabotage your food museum? i've always thought it was pretty _cool._ " Sans grins at his brother, lazily resting his back up against the wall. He glances over at you to see if you're smiling. He deflates a little when he finds that you're glued to the TV.

"OH, WELL THANK YOU BROTHER! THAT MEANS A LOT, ESPECIALLY…" Papyrus pauses for a moment and groans. "SANS! WHY MUST YOU DO THIS?! AND IN FRONT OF THE QUEEN, TOO?"

"bro, she likes it. see, she's smiling!" Sans gestures over to Toriel, who is stifling a giggle.

"Yes, Papyrus. Sans's jokes are very _ice_ " She beams at Sans. Papyrus throws his hands up in frustration.

"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO WATCH METTATON WITH THE HUMANS! YOU TWO CAN FIGURE OUT THE MEAL, YOURSELVES. TRY NOT TO TAINT IT TOO MUCH WITH YOUR TERRIBLE SENSES OF HUMOR."

Papyrus struts over to your bed and lies down right next to you. You and Frisk have to scooch over considerably to make room for him. The three of you snuggle and watch Mettaton interview some boy band member that you've never heard of. The band member has a hairstyle that's nearly identical to Mettaton's. It's rather amusing watching them both flipping their hair out of their face every few minutes.

After a while, you notice a delicious, garlicky smell wafting through the hotel room. You look over to the kitchenette. Toriel is mixing something inside of the ice bucket with a plastic spoon. Purple flames, emanating from her paws, lap up around the metal bucket. Sans is still propped up against the wall, chatting with her. If the thought of trying to make an actual meal in a hotel kitchenette wasn't so ridiculous, this scene would be quite domestic and sweet.

"Alright, everyone! Dinner is ready! There's a small conference room downstairs that has a large enough table for us all to sit at." Toriel calls out, holding a large pie pan. Papyrus immediately hops off of the bed. He is soon followed by Frisk, and finally you.

You all make your way to the conference room. It seems almost too sterile to be enjoying a home-cooked meal inside of. A large wooden table surrounded by office chairs sits in the center of the room. A large projector screen is laid across the back wall. There are also several white boards hung up with dry-erase markers strewn about. Someone left a cartoon drawing of a talking trash-can on one of the boards. It reads 'Senator Dickens.'

Everyone finds a seat at the table. Sans tries to sit next to you, but you glare at him and he goes to sit next to his brother, instead.

Toriel cuts the pie up, placing a generous slice on each of the five paper plates that she brought with her. She passes out the plates of food and packets of plastic utensils. Everyone looks thrilled except for Frisk, who is making a face.

*Um… mom, I already ate pizza with dad earlier… so….* They sign, meekly.

Toriel sighs. "Will you at least try it, my child? I've been wanting to make this since we got to the surface…"

*Fine…" Frisk's face scrunches up as they spear a piece of the pie with their fork. They slowly bring the morsel of food to their mouth. As they close their mouth to chew, they begin making dramatic gagging and choking sounds.

"Frisk…" Toriel looks completely unamused. Frisk giggles and pokes their tongue out.

*I'm just kidding, mom. It's actually pretty good.* They beam at her as they begin tearing into their slice of pie.

You unwrap the packet of plastic silverware, finding the fork. Examining the plate in front of you, you find that the pie crust has been baked to a perfect golden-brown. The filling reminds you of a chicken pot-pie almost. There's veggies and some sort of meat all encased in a rich, creamy sauce. The smell is nothing short of heavenly. Eagerly, you break a bite off with your fork and direct it into your mouth.

It tastes just as good as it smells. The crust is crispy and has a hint of sweetness. The garlic butter sauce is rich and savory. All of the vegetables are cooked to perfection. The potatoes are soft and starchy, like they've been slow baked. The peas pop in your mouth, cooked at the perfect medium between tough and mushy. They carrots aren't too soft, they have a slight amount of crunch to them. Shallots dance through the sauce, adding a touch of spicy pungency.  
The meat… is unfamiliar to you. It's not bad! You just don't know exactly what it is. It kind of reminds you of the little clam bits in clam chowder, but the pieces are larger and they're not quite as rubbery.

"Wow Toriel, this is really good! I'm amazed that you were able to make this in the hotel room. Magic, I guess? Anyways… uh… what is this exactly?"

Toriel chuckles. "It's snail pie, my dear. It's my favorite!"

Oh… Snails… That makes sense. I guess you're a fan of snails, now!

"Oh… Well I see why you like it!" You grin at her and continue eating your pie, with gusto.

After everyone has finished eating, Toriel gathers up all of the plates and utensils and disposes of them. Everyone rises from their seats and begins heading back towards the elevators.

"Thank you for eating dinner with us, my friends. Frisk and I are going to head up to our room. I hope you all have a good night!" Toriel smiles at you and rushes over towards the elevator.

"Wait… what? Where are Sans and Papyrus sleeping?" you question.

"They're going to have to stay in your room… Tomorrow, the hotel is hosting an important Climate Change Summit. The hotel is entirely booked up. I could only find one additional room for me and Frisk…" Toriel looks at you apologetically.

"But there's only two beds!" You cry out, desperately.

Toriel gives you a sheepish grin and steps onto the elevator. "Sorry! I'll see if I can't find an additional room for tomorrow night!"

Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your comments/ kudos/ subscriptions/ whatever. You guys are the best!!
> 
> Seriously, whenever I get emails about new kudos/ comments, it puts the biggest smile on my face! :)
> 
> I'm going back to school tomorrow!! I only have classes M/W this semester. It's nice because I only have to go down to campus twice a week. However, I have 9 freaking hours on classes on Mondays!!! I'm gonna die!!
> 
> Welp. That's the end of the story. author ded. 2 much cool leg. R.I.P.
> 
> Seriously, though. I'm planning to continue this fic. I'm not going to abandon it! I want to actually finish something for once lol. I have a bunch of plot stuff planned that I'm excited to write. I'm going to try my best to continue writing at least a chapter or two each week. Maybe more if I'm feeling particularly inspired.
> 
> Come check out my Tumblr. It's where all the cool kids hang out. No... not really. The cool kids stay as far away from that place as possible.
> 
> bushkawocky.tumblr.com


	16. Little White Pills and Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn that Sans is an emotional and flirty drunk. Also, he seems pretty unstable.
> 
> August doesn't like highways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Panic Attack, Psychiatric Drugs, and Alcohol 
> 
> Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. My first few weeks of school were a lot crazier than I thought they would be. I've already had two papers due. Yah. Already. Shit's crazy. Also, my doctor put me on another new medication like a week ago and I've been trying to adjust to that.
> 
> Anyways, here ya guys go. enjoy.

 “C’mon, asshole. The speed limit’s 45!” August grumbled at the truck in front of him, which was moving at a crawl.

After several more cars whizzed past his aging Honda Civic, he decided to get into a different lane. Agatha giggled at him.

All of his frustration melted away at the lovely sound of her laugh. He wondered by what miracle had he been blessed with this woman. He looked at the beautiful creature that occupied his passenger seat. The window was cracked open slightly, her long reddish hair flowing in the breeze. A gentle smile upturned the corners of her soft, inviting lips. Intelligent, piercing green eyes met his own and he was entranced by her beauty. He didn’t notice that he was in the turn-only lane for the highway, until it was too late.

The next lane over was packed with cars and there were several waiting to turn behind him. There was no getting over. He was trapped.

At this realization, his stomach did a somersault. Anxiety began pricking at his skin. He tried his best to remain calm. He didn’t want to lose his cool in front of Agatha.

He took a deep breath as he got on the entrance ramp and began to accelerate.

 _‘It’s going to be okay, I’ll just get off at the next exit. I can do this. C’mon August, it’s just a highway. Be a fucking man for once.’_ August tried desperately to reassure himself. Unfortunately, he found that the more that he thought about it, the more his anxiety was building.

“Uh… hey, are you alright?” Agatha asked him, her enchanting smile now replaced by a look of concern.

August realized that he was probably grimacing. Also, he was gripping the steering wheel much too hard, his knuckles white from the strain.

“Y-Yeah… Why wouldn’t I be?” He forced himself to smile.

 “Alright…” She raised an eyebrow at him. Shit. She wasn’t buying it.

Regardless, August continued. As the ramp drew to a close, he saw the stream of cars that he would have to merge into. There were so many. Too many. And they were all moving so damn fast. August ran his fingers through his hair, for comfort, as he put his blinker on.

The merge lane was ending. He had to get over. He slowly began turning the steering wheel to the left.

_BEEEPPP!_

August yelped and quickly swerved back right. An SUV rushed past him, the woman driving flipping him off. In his panic, he’d completely forgotten to check his blind spot.

“August? Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah ‘m fine…” he mumbled.

The merge lane was now gone, and somehow he’d successfully merged into traffic. He was now on the highway! He hadn’t driven on the highway for years. Now all he had to do was make it to the next exit. He could do it!

He couldn’t do it… He passed a sign indicating that the next exit wasn’t for 5 miles. _Why_ did it have to be so fucking far? He just wanted to get off! Panic welled up inside of him. His chest tightened. His breathing became strained. To compensate for the shallowness of his breaths, he began breathing more quickly. He felt like he was choking, he was worried that he wasn’t getting enough air. Without even realizing it, he began hyperventilating, the very worst thing he could be doing in this situation.

He attempted to to calm himself down; he fiddled with the air conditioner, he ran his fingers through his hair, and he squeezed his toes together in his shoes. None of it was helping. His fingertips started to go numb. He felt dizzy and light-headed. Desperately, he wanted to pull over, but he also didn’t want to. This was such a nightmare; he didn’t want Agatha to see him like this.

August held out as long as he could. It felt like an eternity, when it was probably only a minute or two. In the end, the anxiety was too much to bear and he had to pull off onto the side of the highway. A small wave of relief came over him as the car came to a stop, but he knew that this was far from over. He removed the key from the ignition. The keychain jingled from the trembling of his hands. As he set the keys down on the dashboard, he noticed just how tense and clench-y his hands were. He tried to relax them, his panic grew when he realized that he couldn’t.  

Agatha was saying something, but he couldn’t focus on her words. The only thing he could hear was the whir of cars speeding past him. They were moving so fast. All he wanted to do was escape.

Then, he remembered something. Pills! His prescription! In the glove compartment. About a year ago, he had put a baggie with few of his pills in his glove compartment in case of an emergency, like this.

“I-I need my m-medicine… It’s in the g-glove compartment…” He managed to stammer out. Agatha started talking again. Before he knew it, the little bag was sitting in his lap. Drops of water plunked onto the bag and August realized that he was crying. Could this get any more humiliating?

“D-Do you have any water?”

He recognized the sound of Agatha rummaging through her purse. She handed him a small water bottle, covered with stickers.

Still shaking violently, he struggled to get the bag open. He placed one of the tiny white pills on his tongue and gulped it down with a swig of water. The sensation of the cold water was comforting. He felt his anxiety deescalating as it ran down his throat. He took a few more sips of it and closed his eyes, trying to slow his breathing.

He felt something warm in his hand. He opened his eyes and realized that Agatha’s hand was now gripping his tightly.

After the couple sat silently for a few minutes, Agatha finally spoke.

“Hey. We should probably get off the side of the road… Let me drive.”

August looked over at Agatha, wide eyed. She gave him a reassuring smile. They awkwardly climbed over each other trading seats, not wanting to exit the safety of the car.

“Do you still want to go to my place, or do you just want to go home?” Agatha asked, quietly.

“We can still go to your place.”

XXXXXXXXXX

You wake up in the middle of the night. When you feel the set of arms wrapped around you, you almost jolt out of the bed in shock.

After Sans had suggested that he teleport himself home last night, Papyrus had graciously offered to share a bed with you. He had been so excited, calling it a ‘BEST-FRIEND SLEEPOVER.’ You just couldn’t refuse.

Sans had read you both a bed time story – Fluffy Bunny goes to Washington. The book was clearly hand-made. The pictures were all in colored pencil and it was written in some goofy font… The story itself was about a little bunny who wanted to become the president. By the end of the book, the bunny had become a master of diplomacy and achieved world peace.

One he was finished reading the story, Sans had excused himself to go hang out at the hotel’s bar. That was a few hours ago.

From a few feet away, you hear a contented sigh. You open your eyes abruptly and find Sans sitting on the edge of the bed opposite from you, smiling fondly. He’s holding a half-empty glass of whiskey and swaying slightly. He looks lit as fuck.

“you two are so damn cute.” he says softly, grinning at you. “c’mon. i need ta talk ta ya. let’s go out on the patio. i dun wanna wake up paps.”

You gesture to the bony arms wrapped tightly around your waist. Sans snickers and rises from the bed, setting down his glass of whiskey. He takes a few clumsy steps towards you and plucks Papyrus’s stuffed rabbit from the nightstand, tucking it beneath his arm. He extends his hands out to you, encouraging you to grab them. You hesitate, considering momentarily what effects alcohol might have on Sans’s magic. Seeing that he’s not going anywhere and you have no other way to escape from Papyrus without waking him, you eventually give in and take his hands.

What follows is, by far, the most nauseating thing you have ever experienced. Upon entering the usual darkness of Sans’s ‘shortcuts’, it feels like you’re both spinning violently and moving forward very quickly, at the same time. As you pop back into existence, now standing at the side of the bed, you double over retching.

“oh shit. ‘m sooo sorry… i shouldn’ta done that… sorry…” Sans rubs your back gently, cooing over you. Once the nausea subsides, you stand up, flinging him off of you. You give him the coldest glare you can muster.

Somewhat unfazed, Sans tucks the rabbit underneath his brother’s now-empty arms. Papyrus smiles and draws the stuffed animal in towards his chest. Sans pauses, watching his brother with a look of complete adoration.

“alright, c’mon.” Sans whispers to you, motioning to the patio door.

Sans stumbles over to the patio. His steps are uneven and graceless. He slides open the glass door. You both cringe at the loud squeaking sound that it emits and quickly turn to check on Papyrus. Thankfully, he’s snoring softly, entirely undisturbed.

You follow him and shut the door behind you. You manage to close it slowly enough that it doesn’t let out a massive screech.

“What do you want Sans?” You ask him, annoyed. You hate being woken up in the middle of the night. This had better be important.

“i-i just wanted… i mean… i need to…” Sans stutters out, sitting on the railing, somewhat precariously. He’s looking down at the floor of the patio, not meeting your gaze.

You glare at him. “Sans, you’re drunk. You should probably get some sleep.”

“n-no! wait. look. i wanted ta apologize. ’m really sorry about earlier…”

“Yah. You should be.” You respond, flatly.

Sans looks at you, with a look of desperation. “what can i do-?” he chokes out. “what can i do so that things can go back ta normal?”

“You’re drunk, Sans… let’s just go to bed and…”

“no! i can’t do thish anymore! you don’t understand… do you have ANY idea what this is like?”

“What are you talking about?”

He takes a deep breath. “when we were underground, everything wash predictable. i mean sometimes everyone dies and stuff… but there were only so many possible outcomes. it was eashy. i could distance myself. but now, i just… i just don’t know. i mean the first time, you’re my friend. but then, the second time, we never even meet! then you’re interested in me. and then you’re engaged to that whiny little twerp! And now…” Sans trails off, frowning. What in the hell is he talking about? Not noticing the confusion on your face, or just choosing to ignore it, he continues.

“heh. ya know. it’s funny. i wash planning on avoiding you completely, this time. but i guess i never really had a choice in the matter. you had to come to that party with your cute little shpace puns and that goddamn dress. it was covered with crystals from waterfall. fucking. waterfall. at first, i thought ya might have remembered! i thought maybe…” A pained expression overtakes his face.

“…but you didn’t remember. nobody ever remembers. nobody but me and the kiddo. and that stupid weed! speaking of which, what the hell is he doing in the bathroom?! when i got back from the hotel’s bar, i went to the bathroom to wash my face and he’s in there flingin’ shampoo packets at me!”

“Frisk brought him along. They must have accidentally left him here. Also, you’re not making any sense. At all.” You glare at him. He frowns, looking down at the ground.

“i never know what to expect, up here… and then this situation with the assassin, that’s never happened before… i didn’t know what to think… i was so angry! i completely lost control…” He looks up at you, and you notice tears welling up in his eyes. How can a skeleton even cry? While he’s babbling complete nonsense at you and you’re still mad at him, you can’t help but feel some pity. Clearly something is VERY wrong with him. “will you please forgive me?”

You pause for a moment and sigh. “I don’t know, Sans… You could have really hurt me, earlier.”

“i would never do anything to harm you.” Sans mutters. This is far from comforting, seeing how he did exactly that, earlier. You give him an unimpressed look and he sighs. 

“all i did was constrict yer lungs for a few seconds. it takes an entire minute for that ta do any real damage…”

Somehow, this response is even less comforting.

“Sans…”

“look. ’m really sorry. ‘m not one for making promises, but i can promise it won’t happen again.”

“Alright, Sans. Look… I’m not happy with you. You scared me half to death and used your magic on me.” Sans chuckles to himself and hiccups. You ignore him and continue. “However, since you’re supposed to be protecting me and now also monitoring my dreams at the lab, we’re going to have to spend a lot of time together. So, because of that… I guess I can forgive you and things can go back to normal.”

Sans jumps down from the railing and crushes you in a hug. You won’t pretend that it doesn’t feel nice. The intoxicating (heh) scent of whiskey and pine floods your nasal passages.  

“thank you sho much ____! i’ll make this up to you, i swear.”

You push him away with a huff, giving him a stern look. “Now hold on there a second. If you ever do this shit again, I’m not going to put up with it. I’ll talk to Undyne and have her put someone else in charge of protecting me. So if you really want to be my friend, no more threats. And no more using magic on me!”

Sans bursts out laughing and you feel the urge to strangle him.

“What is so funny?!” You hiss at him.

“heh. nothin’... ya know, not all my magic is unpleasant…” Sans smirks and wiggles his eyebrows at you. You feel your cheeks flush.

“Okay, that’s it! You’re beyond drunk. Bedtime!” You open up the patio door and motion towards his bed.

“woah, slow down there, kiddo! i didn’t know you were so eager to jump my _bones_ … besides, we’d wake up paps. i don’t think the bunny flu excuse will work this time.” Sans cackles with laughter. You didn’t know that your face could get so hot. I mean, how would that even work anyways… It’s not like he has… Okay, nope nope nope. Not going there!

“Wha- No! You need to go to bed… By yourself!” You stammer out, now physically pushing Sans towards the door. He’s a giggling mess, pushing back on you, resisting.

“but i’ll be so _bonely_!” Sans sighs dramatically and falls back into your arms. You back up a step, letting him fall to the ground with a thud. You’re both giggling now. You extend your arm to help Sans get up.  

“WILL YOU TWO PLEASE JUST GO TO SLEEP?! THIS IS THE WORST SLEEPOVER EVER!”

Both you and Sans tense up upon hearing Papyrus’s voice. You look down at Sans and notice that his face is flushed bright blue. You wonder exactly what Papyrus heard… After you finish helping Sans up, you guide him over towards his bed. You whisper a quiet ‘goodnight’ to him. He lays down and almost immediately passes out.

You find your way to the bathroom and dump out the remainder of his whiskey in the sink, replacing it with some cold water. Flowey smirks at you from in the bathtub. You ignore him.

Digging through your purse, you manage to find a couple of aspirin. You quietly place the water and pills on his nightstand before spreading a blanket over him.

You give the little snoring skeleton one last look, shaking your head at him, before climbing back into bed next to Papyrus.


End file.
